It's really hard for me to talk on the phone so I've been procrastinating talking to my therapist. But I have done so today, and actually made 2 appointments with 2 different therapists...one with my regular one, and one with another one that I used to see a year ago or so...but the latter is sooner. So I don't know which one I'll end up going to. I don't think my insurance would allow me to go to both, though. But then again, I could be wrong. I was trying to see the psychiatrist though, because I'm having a huge problem with sleeping as of lately (sleep paralysis, night terrors, extreme stress, insomnia, etc.) And my regular psych I don't see for about a month, and the psychiatrist at the other place I won't even be able to make an appointment with until I see the therapist at their facility. So it kind of sucks because I was hoping for some sleep medications or something. But maybe I can make an appt. with just my GP for that too, so I think I'll give that a try. Nothing OTC for sleep has worked for me.
Also, this whole situation with...well I don't know what to call him right now, but the emotionally abusive and destructive relationship that I've been in, I just decided to basically take people's advice who tell me to get out because I don't think he's going to change over a week. Or if ever, really. I have a feeling deep down that all of our past problems will just continue. I've been without him for 6 days now living at my brother's, and I feel like if I come back now, that's a huge risk to take for everything to just be okay again and if it's not going to be, then the worst part is that I may not have the strength to leave again. So I feel like maybe I should just take advantage of the fact that I've been away from him and keep going down that path because it can only get better from here. Whereas, if he doesn't get better, he'll only send me spiraling back down into depression and suicide. So for now, I've decided that I need to do two things:
A.) Finding a whole new circle of support because I have no close friends other than some people to talk to online. This includes re-connecting with some of my family whom I've kind of neglected while I was in the relationship.
B.) Setting a sort of schedule for myself to keep my mind busy (which I am hoping to succeed in doing with a therapist), especially for mornings and nights because those are the worst times of the day for me. And just basically keep busy with school work and potential other projects until I become somewhat emotionally stable.
And well, maybe three things...also continue going to therapy and getting help, so that I don't repeat what I've done thus far relationship-wise.