If I fell once...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KittyGirl, Jan 2, 2010.

  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Chances are that I will again.
    I really don't want to though... but I guess at this point I'm still not over him.
    It's just such a strange feeling of loss. I feel ashamed for being so hurt over this... I'm going to his place later this week to finally pick up my things. I don't know if I'll be able to go into that house again... the place where we lived together and have so many memories... I may want to see it again, but it may be better not to.
    He said hat he wanted a hug before I go, too- but I don't think I'll be able to do it. I probably won't be able to look him in the eyes either.
    I really don't want to lose him as a friend though... even if we only talk over msn- because he's the only person in the world that knows all of my secrets. I really just want to be close to him, but if I was- it would just hurt me.
    It's best to keep my distance until I can finally fall out of love with him.
    It may take a long time though... he was my first love... my childhood friend and my boyfriend of 7 years.
    This is really tough.

    I spoke to the 'mental health therapist' about it briefly and she told me that now that I've cemented the fact that he has moved on in my mind- and know that we will not be getting back together it will be much easier for me to move on.
    That makes sense...
    Talking to him about things really opened my eyes.
    He hasn't loved me the same as I've loved him for quite awhile...
    I guess I'm just naive. Having him around and being able to depend on him just made me so happy for the longest time that I don't know how to live without him- so I need to learn on my own.

    That's it for now, I guess... I just felt like writing might stop my tears, and it seems to have worked fairly well.
    I really don't like the idea of crying in a hospital... especially when there are alot sicker people here; and they're not crying. -__-
  2. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    It sounds like your describing me and what I'm going through, I know exactly what you're going through having been through the same recently. I don't have any advice because i'm trying to deal with it myself but I hope I can give some comfort by letting you know you're not alone.

  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Thanks! ^___^

    ...as an after thought- ouch! needles freakin' hurt!! XD