i wonder if i want to fail. do i get satisfaction out of disappointing everyone? i cant even get myself to school regularly. i get so angry with everyone. especially myself. the thought of telling someone irl i need help is infuriating. i know i will never just say things are not okay. but theyre not never have been never will be. i really just want to get away from everyone. to never see them. to find a quiet little spot where i can impale my arteries and watch the life leave me.