if i had enough energy...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AnnieK, Jan 22, 2014.

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  1. AnnieK

    AnnieK Well-Known Member

    ...i'd put this in the rants forum, but i can barely get off the couch and barely type on this computer. i tried to get outpatient care again today. somebody referred me to a hospital that takes insurance. and guess what, not MY insurance. i'm never gonna get help. plus my work and doctor/therapist screwed up my disability paperwork, so i have to do it all over again. i can't take it.

    i overmedicate and sleep and watch old movies on netflix. i no longer want to try. if i go outside, like today to see my MD, i am like a shuffling old woman. wobbly and it just hurts to look up, into the sun. it's just too painful. and then i just pull my hood up and cry on the train. and by the time i get home i can barely make it up the steps i'm so exhausted. i used to be strong, healthy, in shape. now i'm just a mess.

    i'm slowly moving towards suicide. i just don't want to be here anymore. i can't stand this form filling and refilling out. this utter lack of care for anything outside my apartment. i'm afraid to look for more help again,fear of being rejected like i was the 100 times before cuz of shitty insurance or shitty health care providers that won't take insurance.

    i am rotting away. i can't even get angry anymore.

    going on with this post would just be redundant and boring.

    so that's all,

    bobbi :boom:
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry bobbi oh hell i know what your are talking about dam forms make you want to throw up You get someone to help you if you can ok a neighbor or relative but you get them filled out hun ok because you deserve help and you deserve your disability benefits hun do not give up on it ok Hugs toyou
     
  3. AnnieK

    AnnieK Well-Known Member

    thx much. i did have a friend help me today get the new forms and call doctors who need to fill them out. i tried to do a little more investigation on aftercare programs but was rejected again, so i just went to bed. so tired. i slept for like 6 hours. gonna eat, tho not hungry and go back to bed. someone has offered to accompany me over to the hospital to get the doctors to fill out form. i'm trying and i guess if he wasn't here to help i'd just forget it all.

    i appreciate your response.

    :thank_you:
     
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