I'm 22 and I live in England. I've felt low every day for over 6 years now. I've thought about suicide pretty much every day, but I've never been suicidal to the point of attempting suicide. I just think about it a lot and it kind of comforts me knowing that I can always leave this world if things get too much. But I'm not suicidal. I love my mum too much. I just feel really down, worse than ever now. I've decided to try those 5-htp pills - I took 50mg last night and 50mg today. I'm not sure if they're the reason but today I've felt the lowest I've felt in a long long time. I woke up, watched tv for abit and then went back to sleep for a few hours. I then woke up, watched TV again and started crying thinking about how good my childhood was and how shitty life is now. Now my chest feels kinda tight like I'm hyperventilating or something. I'm desperate to feel well but I'm scared to see my doctor. I've never spoken to anyone about my depression before, not even close family or friends. I keep most things to myself and I have quite bad social anxiety so the thought of speaking to my GP scares me. I dunno what to say. But more than anything I'm scared that he'll ring my parents up (I still live at home) and tell them everything. I don't want them to find out. My mum's on anti-depressants, my auntie has bipolar, my cousin committed suicide a few years ago and a couple years ago I caught my brother making a noose in the early hours of the morning. He's ok now but he was unwell for a while and it killed my mum. She's such a worrier and I don't want to see her like that again. I don't want her to worry about me.. I wanna deal with this on my own. Do you think my doctors will contact her if I tell them how I'm feeling?