I'm feeling so very tired and worthless. I just don't see any end to the pain of this day to day existence. I have barricaded myself in because I don't care and know that no one would even notice if I were gone. I'm tired out. I've given to others and the only reason that they even call now is to "get" something else from me. I'm angry and hurt. I don't like anger, don't get angry, but don't I deserve some modicum of relief and hope and peace? My T wants me to go to the hospital, but I feel like it is just because he is busy, and I would feel warehoused for their convenience. Hospitals never help anyways.... I've tried. I've given everything I've got to getting well. It's been years! No matter how very hard I try and seek for a better life and better emotional health, I just fall backwards. I've never said "why me?" or whatever. Why not me??? But at the end of the day, if I were a dog, I'd put me out of my misery. It is not fair for someone to be in this much pain for this long and with no real hope that things will get better. I have no one to soothe me or to hold me and tell me that things even might get better. Even a dog gets treated better... Enough is enough. And I have had enough.