If I were a dog

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wysteria Blue, Dec 31, 2012.

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  1. Wysteria Blue

    Wysteria Blue Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling so very tired and worthless. I just don't see any end to the pain of this day to day existence. I have barricaded myself in because I don't care and know that no one would even notice if I were gone. I'm tired out. I've given to others and the only reason that they even call now is to "get" something else from me. I'm angry and hurt. I don't like anger, don't get angry, but don't I deserve some modicum of relief and hope and peace? My T wants me to go to the hospital, but I feel like it is just because he is busy, and I would feel warehoused for their convenience. Hospitals never help anyways....

    I've tried. I've given everything I've got to getting well. It's been years! No matter how very hard I try and seek for a better life and better emotional health, I just fall backwards.
    I've never said "why me?" or whatever. Why not me???

    But at the end of the day, if I were a dog, I'd put me out of my misery. It is not fair for someone to be in this much pain for this long and with no real hope that things will get better. I have no one to soothe me or to hold me and tell me that things even might get better. Even a dog gets treated better...
    Enough is enough. And I have had enough.
  2. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    Hi, what is a "T"?

    Hang in there. Tell us more. Vent some here. You have supporters here. If there is anything I can do let me know.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Even an animal hun would not be put to rest they would fight to save that animal because with care and compassion that animal too will heal You will hun with right supports you will heal hugs
  4. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    I had to put my dog to sleep today. She was a great dog. But putting her to sleep was just transferring her pain to me. So, while putting you out of your misery might be best for you, it really is just transferring the pain to someone else. I know it sucks. I've been at this for years. I know the ups and downs. I know what it feels like to be ignored and like no one has time. I also know that you just don't know what tomorrow will bring.

    Hang in there. Just try to get through today. Thinking of you.
  5. Wysteria Blue

    Wysteria Blue Well-Known Member

    Count Floyd,
    I'm sorry...I was referring to my T Therapist...I'm trying very hard to hang in here. Just feel so broken today and alone. Thanks for the reply... WB
  6. Wysteria Blue

    Wysteria Blue Well-Known Member

    Dear odnox,
    I am sooo very sorry that you had to put your beloved pup down today. That must have been a very sad time for you and I hope that she was able to go peacefully in the end. I'm also sorry if my reference to being a dog in pain was a terrible trigger to you. I didn't mean to hurt you or anyone else with my words. I just meant that often times, with our animals, we are more compassionate in knowing that they cannot fully understand the breadth and length of the their pain, and we often let them pass to relieve their suffering. I do not want to "pass" my suffering on to anyone else! In reality, I wish my the people that know me could be released with me from this place. Their frustration and hurt that they cannot help me anymore than I can seem to pull myself up is so hard. I can't stand to be a bother or to hurt those I care about. I sooo did not want to offend you or anyone else with what I said nor to be insensitive. I am sorry.

  7. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    No offense felt, so no worries. Just wanted to reply to your post. Hope you will hang in there.
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