If it weren't for my dogs I'd off myself now

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by theleastofthese, Aug 11, 2008.

  1. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Am sick of being such a loser. Am sick of daughter always bringing up my drinking career, my mental health, my lack of money, my lack of absolutely anything positive, in my life or in how my life affect hers. she's mad at me again and is so mad/hates me so much, she's told me I'm not allowed to take her to college in two weeks, that her dad can take her just fine without me. So I'm calling her fucking bluff and emailed him to say "it's just you and her moving her stuff in". I don't want to go now. I will regret my hateful attitude later, and will add this stubbornness to my long list of faults. Hell, there are already so many that one more can't hurt.

    I'm just sick of everything except my dogs. The only beings who love me even considering who I am. And if I were gone the kids would have their dad and their grandparents, but my dogs would have no one. So I'm trapped. Forced to stick around instead of checking out of this flea infested hotel called Life. I'm sick of it all. Only thing I'm not sick of is my dogs. And tho I'd love to get obliterated and just forget everything, I'm not going to throw away my sober time over a little shit ingrate like her.

    I'll just pretend she's already gone off to college. Won't be hard to do, we don't talk much anyway.

  2. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    For what its worth, I love you. I worry about you and wish you great success beating the drinking habit. But no matter what, you are an important person in my eyes.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    :hug: You know where my email box is :hug:
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Least, she's just a child. She doesn't know any other way to express her feelings. Please dont take too much stock in it. All I know about you is what I have seen and read here. And what we have shared in chat. I think you're an honest caring soul with great opinions and you're dogs are pretty lucky! Let her go on to college. Once she starts living and having to survive in the real world, maybe she will grow up enough to express her feelings in a more appropriate way. Hang in there hun!
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Leat I remember you helping me when my son was behaving the way your daughter is. You told me I didn't deserve to be treated that way and to boot him out the door. Well, it has been over a year now and he is finally starting to grow up and appreciate what he had when he was living at home. I don't see him much, but when I do, we get along well. I think that maybe kids are supposed to be mean spiteful, hateful creatures just before they are set to leave so that it is easier for us to let them go. She will be gone soon enough and it will be a little less stressful for you around the house. Your dogs are not the only ones that would be lost without you. I know I would be and I suspect others here would be also. Please take care of yourself . I am so proud of what you have accomplished. :hug:
  6. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    For all that I'm doing so well at staying sober I'm doing very badly at staying human and feeling good.:sad: Yesterday's big blow up with daughter left me feeling "what's the use" and sick of my useless self. Feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and feeling physically sick and exhausted. Facing shut offs of two utilities and no money to pay anything on my bills. No word from Social Security on my disability claim. Feeling afraid and alone and no energy to keep on going.:sad: Just want all this shit to stop. Right now. Don't care what happens to me, only what happens to my dogs.

    Feel horrible and don't know what to do next.:sad: