If life is a journey and theres a road. Let me crash.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by alfaramz3, Oct 12, 2010.

  1. alfaramz3

    alfaramz3 Member

    :poo:

    Like the above stuff does happen.
    Heres my story and mabey someone can understand.

    I was born in the big apple New York.people may kid around about it on tv shows "It all started when i was born.."
    but for me its no joke. its real. it did happen when i was born. My mom told me i was supposed to be the daughter that she never had. She named me after my dead sister that was never born. My mom left my dad. She took me and my brother with her. She had another family. I then moved to another state and after that i moved about ten times from home to home never being able to stay in one place. my childhood was full of people abusing me and bullying me and silly me fell in love with a guy...he told me "no one wants su here. go kill yourself. or ill do it for u" i hated myself for loving this jerk of a guy. despized my friends perfect lives.i cut myself constantly and cried myself to sleep. i went to many phycaitrist. no one could help they all quit because they thought i was too much of a job. i felt like a monster in my own world. cutting wasnt enough smoking was another answer and trying to live up to the "perfect family name" didnt help at all. now i moved again last year. here i am in this state i wanna go back to where i was accpeted cause just last year i found my true friends and got over my sadness now im just back to where i started. Lord have mercy on me lord lord lord.

    every day i just get angry and shut people out of my life and i totally shout down people. i get into fights constantly its a matter of time till my past cactes up to me and my suicidle thoughts come back...

    Suicidle thoughts so far :50+...i stopped counting after 50...
     
  2. ansdr

    ansdr Well-Known Member

    Hey, I know how you feel. I'm in Newyork also and I think it's a tough state and the people where I live at are mean and aggressive and dumb. I was bullied alot when I was younger too. I was too nice and naive which was always my problem and where did it get me? nowhere. I saw a therapist too. It's a mean state. I'm sorry it caused us so much trouble. But you shouldn't have to kill yourself or hurt yourself because of how these people treated you. You found a way out of this place, and friends, and you got better too. Your better off then me. You should find some way to get back to where you want to get to and don't give up until you get there.