If not for my little boy

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Boxedup, May 5, 2014.

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  1. Boxedup

    Boxedup New Member

    If not for my little boy and fiancee I could easily walk in front of a bus.
    My fiancées mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer 2 years ago and was given a matter of months to live.
    We lived 5 houses away from her and from that day we cared for her,brought up my son and tried to juggle life. We had/have no help. Her brother don't do anything to help and would stop in once a week for an hour and then leave to go on with his life. He would take work away instead of supporting my fiancée or being there for his mother.
    I worked full time as a restaurant manager but as time progressed and my fiancee's mother condition worsened we continued to care for her 24/7.
    When she had to be rushed into hospital,because we had no help, I had to leave work And Care for our son so My fiancee's could go to the hospital with her. You can maybe imagine how unhelpful my employers were as I was a manager and they hinted I should maybe leave. I didn't leave because I was supporting my family..
    All throughout her illness I took more and more time off as fiancée brother still would do nothing to help.
    In the end I had a mental breakdown at work as my bosses were piling on the pressure to perform,which I did...CONSTANTLY.
    In the end I was off work with work related stress as I had filed a grievance with my manager T work which was not sorted by my employers.
    Then my fiancee's mother in law worsened And both of us were given higher doses to cope with increasing depression... No one would help...no family.. No friends no one....completely alone. I had to be strong and bottled it up even after having to quit work to help with the final stage of fiancee's mother cancer.
    She died 3 weeks ago and in her will requested that the house be left to us as we had put our lives on hold for her...something I would do again and again if history repeated. I loved my fiancées mother very much and couldn't understand why the brother didn't care.
    No we have moved in the brother is contesting the will...he wants to kick us out and has stated he couldn't care less about my son.
    My parents have proven incapable of helping and I have battled through for years And I can't take anymore of this crap that the universe has thrown at us....I see nowhere to turn as I feel I cannot support my family and we have no friends or family to help.
    I can't work as my confidence is none exist as it was destroyed by work and the constant positivity I portrayed to my fiancée... But I feel like it's all gone... I have nothing left...we argue but I can't talk to her about it as her mother has died and I'm being insensitive.....
    I need to come up for air butt feel suffocated by everything... I could easily lie here and not wake up....BUT I love my fiancée and my son more than anything...they are the Only people that would miss me......how can I have this love and have it returned and yet feel so utterly alone and useless.....
    I feel like our life is just reduced to waiting for the next crap to hit the fan and have more people suck me dry.......
    I've given up and want to stop... But I can't... I'm stuck
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Ihope you get good legal help ok and prove to courts you were her carer and how much lover your hsb and you had for her and get notes from neighbors or doctor to state that you were there and they were not there when she needed them I hope the courts do what is right but get legal help ok
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Boxedup. I'm so sorry for your recent loss and the challenges you have been facing. :hug:

    I don't know where you live. Where I live, it's usually pretty difficult to contest a will and win. Since your brother-in-law was hardly there to help and you and your fiancée took care of your mother-in-law, I would hope the courts would go in your favor. I'm sure this is hard because you loved your mother-in-law, and she obviously wanted to do the right thing by you and your family.

    Come here and talk to us any time. Your fiancée is grieving, but you also need some support, and maybe we can offer you that. I hope things work out all right. Please keep us posted.
  4. Boxedup

    Boxedup New Member

    Thanks for the words guys. Through a barrage of emails, he kept stating that my fiancé was going to prison and even resorted to physically threatening me.
    My fiancée and me spent yesterday in tears. We argued over petty things because we scared. My poor son kept cuddling us a saying sorry, like it was his fault. I was heartbroken that a 2 year old was so upset to see us so upset.
    Her brother came back to us and said that although he
    Wanted to hurt us that he would honour the will at the moment because that's what his mum wanted. But I'd we stepped out of line than he would start this all over again.
    I want away from this situation, I can't let this scumbag control my family like this.
    To always have this man lording over us makes me feel as if this is a form of slavery.. We have to watch what we say and do. Our lives,destiny and futures are controlled by him.
    In not sure I can sink much lower.
    I'm a shadow of the man I once was.
  5. GoodbyeDeath

    GoodbyeDeath Member

    Sell the house?
  6. Boxedup

    Boxedup New Member

    Selling the house is what we've decided to do.
    We had originally planned to stay and train some more so we could move to Australia.
    Away from everything that's happened over these last years..
    The brother continues to send disgusting emails that constantly state how he wants us to suffer..
    We have kept all communication from him and it is all so feral that he is actually guilty of illegal harassment and communication..
    When all this is over and my family is safe away from hin,I'm going to hand these to the police.
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