Hi I'm new to the site and I have been reading some of the post people put and I can see how well I fit in here. I just turned 21 and since I was 7 or 8years old I have been contemplating suicide. My life has been up and down mostly down. My dad is a recovery alcoholic but when I was a kid he use to beat me and I couldn't sleep at night for fear he would come in and beat me. my mom takes a lot of pills and she told me they were to help her stomach acid problems but I think they were depression pills. no one in my family likes me i'm just one big joke to them. When I was just 4 years old my cousins who were 15 or 16 use to throw me out of the house and lock the doors and they use to tell me my parents found me in a grabage can. At night I had dreams that I died and no one cared. When I was 15 I attempted suicide, I took a belt wraped it around my head I put it tight as I could and I started to black out until my brother came in and saved me. I attend college now but have no idea what im doing here. I fear I may doing something drastic unless that one big thing in my life can change it and I hope it happens soon.