If Only I Had A Method

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Dec 11, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I know what I would do.

    Come January 2010, and I would be through.

    No more pain
    No more destain

    No more worry
    No more hurry

    No more stress
    No more dissapointment

    No more letting down the ones I love
    No more failure

    No more heartache
    No more sorrow

    No more fear

    If only I had a method, for I soon would surely be dead.
    For my life has gone off astray, there is no more to be said.

    If only I had a method, my peace could come at last.
    For I am not worth the time of anyone, present or past.
  2. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    me too :'(
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're worth more than you realize.

    "No more letting down the ones I love"

    You don't think your dying would let down and hurt the people you love? Think again.
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Not everyone thinks that way.

    She's not even returning my frickin text messages.

    I would just move back out, but I am now so up to my eyeballs in debt that I cant even afford a place on my own. I have no where to go, and a spouse that would like me to leave.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: What happened? Here if you need anything.
  6. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    She has tried to control me since I have been back. She made a list of demands that I have tried to keep up, but one of them, smoking, I have failed miserably on.

    She doesnt understand my level of depression and suidical ideation. And she thinks I use my alcoholism as a crutch or excuse.

    She doesnt want 2nd hand smoke around the kids. Because I bring it in on my clothing,etc.

    I just bought that woman a frickin sapphire and diamond ring!

    I am sick of this shit. I want out.
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know there isn't much I can say. Just wanted you to know that people do care. I do, and there are others that do. We want you around, and no matter what happens, your kids will always need a father. Losing you to suicide would hurt them more than anything else ever could.

    Have you talked to her about these demands, told her how unfair they are? A marriage and home shouldn't be based on demands.
  8. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Nope I can't talk to her about it. She is in control. I had to agree to those demands to come back. Since the divorce isnt cancelled yet, she would tell me, that If I dont like it, I can hit the road.

    As I was typing this, I just got a text from her. I had sent her a text earlier, telling her I just wanted to hold her. Her reply, "OK."

    I just now texted back if she still loves me.

    Damn...I really fucked things up.
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I'm sorry you're going through so much. I wish there was something I could do, but I'm always here to listen and be a friend.
  10. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Well I would have thought if she did still love me, she would have replied already. However since she hasnt replied to my text, I guess I know the answer.
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I hope she replied?
  12. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I just talked to her on the phone. She says she never saw it. When I asked her again she replied, yes. And then we joked about me being in the dog house. Damn stress.
  13. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    The smell of smoke on your clothes is not going to harm the kids. It's only second hand smoke if for example you smoke in the same room as them or in a room that is not ventilated and they come into it.
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Really glad you talked to her!! :)
  15. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Thanks! As Always
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