Don't worry, this isn't a thread about religion. I was raised in church. And it's really the only thing that's kept me here this long. You know? I'm not sure if their is a god or not, but if there is, I don't want to go to hell for killing myself. But the way things have gone in my life, I really wonder if he even does exist. I told my parents when I was 14 that I thought I had depression, and they just said all teenagers go through it. It's normal. Blah blah blah. Anyway, after I graduated high school, I was completely lost. And about 3 or 4 months later, I decided it was time to go. I went out late at night and laid on the railroad tracks blaring music in my headphones hoping to go to sleep before a train came and I wouldn't have to hear it or know it was coming. But since the tracks weren't to comfortable, I never got to sleep. And when the train came, I felt it and my survival instincts kicked in and I moved out of the way. After the train left, I tried again, only to do the same and get up. That's when I realized I didn't have the guts to do so. Basically I failed at failing. That's when I knew I needed help. So I went to the doctor and told him I was depressed. He diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and prescribed me Lexipro. After taking it about a month, I started making irrational decisions and got myself into some trouble with the law. Which was WAY out of character for me. The doctor has a reputation for being a quack, so I just quit taking them. In the few years since, some good things have happened which made me glad I was alive. I was going to have a baby and I had a good job and life was good. But that soon withered away when I found out that my girlfriend at the time cheated on me and the baby turned out to not even be mine. And then I lost my job, one of the few jobs that I actually stuck with. I can't seem to hold a job when I can find one. I have few friends, and the ones I do have, I question how much they really consider me a friend. Most of my family don't seem to really care if I live or die anyway. I think my mom is the only one who does. I am just lost. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of constantly being depressed and seeing everyone around me happy as can be. I just want out. I feel like running away from it all. Which is what I seem to do with any problem that comes my way. I know I sound really emo right now. But I don't know what to do. No one I know has a clue how I feel, and I don't want them to. That's why I came here. I needed to get it out.