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if only you knew, you would let me go!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by just.me, Jul 13, 2009.

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  1. just.me

    just.me Account Closed

    this is the 4th time im rewriting this topic
    eventually i came to the conclusion that there is no way to
    explain my problems so that others will understand.

    i think 2 years is enough time to loose hope
    2 years of nothing
    2 years of living in jail-like conditions
    2 years without any help or support
    730 days
    17520 hours
    1051200 minutes
    frozen in time, all alone
    2 years of witnessing daily abuse of my mother by my father
    2 years of witnessing my family crashing to bits
    2 years of witnessing my mother turning into an alcoholic
    and i am like a shadow, seeing everything yet 100% invisible and powerless

    i don't want to go, maybe it is because of the pills i am on
    the only pills i can afford, the only thing that keeps me alive
    the only thing my dad is agreed to pay for
    maybe i should stop taking them, the only reason my dad pays for them
    is to delay my death, which will result in him seeing the results of his actions.
    I feel like a brain dead person, who's family reuses to disconnect him from the
    machines and let go, because they know it their fault im in such position at the first place.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So sorry this is happening...please know these are NOT your problems...you should not fault yourself for what your parents do...big hugs, J
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: !! You've told me about your situation. I'm sorry your life is so tough atm. All I can say,is don't give up..and none of this is your fault.
    You are a good person with a kind heart :hug:
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad your dad can help you with your medication. It seems like an impossible task to go on but you need to. You need to somehow seperate yourself from these conditions and make a life outside your living situation. Is there anyway you can live with another relative or a friend for a while. All you can do is look after you and stay healthy for you. Your parents problems are not your fault and they need to get help for themselves. They need to see the damage they are doing write a letter and give it to each one of them letting them know how it is affecting you Ask them to get help so you can be a family again. I hope you stay on your medication because you are kind and compassionate and the world needs more people like you take care
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