if only....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by austinhp78, Feb 3, 2008.

  1. austinhp78

    austinhp78 Well-Known Member

    if only i could speak my mind and have people listen and understand me. if only i could have people who are actually there for me and dont just pretend to be. if only i had real friends who would try and help and keep me involved as opposed to pretending that they care when infact they do plenty of things behind my back. if only the person i loved would have the slightest sense of the extent to which i care for her. if only the person i loved would feel the same way about me as opposed to trying not to lead me on and as a result not talking to me. if only people weren't so judgemental. if only i had a life. if only i didnt go through every day, faking smiles and being alone. if only i didnt seclude myself from the world. if only i didnt slice into my body ever time i loose my composure. why the hell does my life have to be this way...
    you can probably get the gist of this from reading that but yeah... no real friends and the one (note the lack of an S) friend i do have pretends to care about me when in fact he doesnt invite me to do anything and as a result, when i hear about his outings, it only hurts even more. i love someone with all my heart and it tears at me yet she only like me as a friend and nothing more. she has no concept of the extent to which i love her. it tears at me... and then of course, people are extremely judgmental and will judge me without even giving a seconds thought.

    i want to die.