hello, it is my first time here and i came because i don't want to talk to anyone in my life about this. I just feel so lost, and at the moment and for the last few months i've been thinking about suicide daily. I am just afraid of people. I don't think i am worth anything. I have very low self esteem. I think everybody is better than me and doing better in these social skills, and that people when they see me just assume i am dumb, weak and worthless. I have just finished medicine and am waiting for an internship. I think i will be a lousy doctor and that i lack the knowledge i need. I was an excellent student all my life, but during college i realized how my social skills are not getting any better no matter how hard i tried and that all the other people see how shy and weak i am. My mother is constantly telling me this and how when i start internship everyone in hospital will see how weak and self concious i am, and that everybody will walk over me. I am very much aware of this myself also. I had one major depression episode three years ago and then i was really good for one year and thought things are getting better, then my demons returned worse than the first time. I never had a relationship with a guy. I have few good friends and a sister, but don't feel like talking to them about this. Sometimes i think that i am just spoiled and just taking the easiest way running from problems. But when every day you feel like you failed thinking about ending my life is the only thing i find comfort in.