If someone could give me some advice or just their thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kiwi, Sep 17, 2014.

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  1. kiwi

    kiwi New Member

    hello,

    it is my first time here and i came because i don't want to talk to anyone in my life about this.
    I just feel so lost, and at the moment and for the last few months i've been thinking about suicide daily.
    I am just afraid of people. I don't think i am worth anything. I have very low self esteem. I think everybody is better than me and doing better in these social skills, and that people when they see me just assume i am dumb, weak and worthless. I have just finished medicine and am waiting for an internship. I think i will be a lousy doctor and that i lack the knowledge i need. I was an excellent student all my life, but during college i realized how my social skills are not getting any better no matter how hard i tried and that all the other people see how shy and weak i am. My mother is constantly telling me this and how when i start internship everyone in hospital will see how weak and self concious i am, and that everybody will walk over me. I am very much aware of this myself also. I had one major depression episode three years ago and then i was really good for one year and thought things are getting better, then my demons returned worse than the first time. I never had a relationship with a guy. I have few good friends and a sister, but don't feel like talking to them about this. Sometimes i think that i am just spoiled and just taking the easiest way running from problems. But when every day you feel like you failed thinking about ending my life is the only thing i find comfort in.
     
  2. 13 Steps

    13 Steps New Member

    Well I don't know how finishing medicine makes you a failure! Congrats on that my sister is struggling and she was the valedictorian at her school. And just because you are shy does not mean people are going to walk over you. What some people fail to believe is that many people struggle with having proper social skills. People will struggle doing whatever they can to satisfy the people around them, and in my experience, those are the people that are the most miserable. Having to pretend someone they are not. And everyone sees it, and secretly hates it. The people who just be who they are, those are the people that survive in this world. Because when people do try to walk over them, they have friends or a sister that has their back. You are not a failure. Be who you are, enjoy the time with your friends and family, and talk to them to let them now how you feel. Being honest with the people who care about you is the most social thing you could do. And in my experience, the shy girls (I'm guessing you are a girl) are always the girls that make great relationships. Not because they can be taken advantage of or be walked on. But because they know who they are, they are humble, and they aren't afraid to say they are not perfect and will treat everyone they way they would want to be treated. Sounds like you are a great person just trying to find out where you are in life. But if you keep hope, I'm sure you'll find a great guy, a good job, and the confidence to say you are a winner. :friendly_wink:
     
  3. kiwi

    kiwi New Member

    thank you very very much for your reply 13 Steps :)

    i have been thinking a lot past few days and decided to take action and try to do as i want from now on, not what everybody else wants and see where that will get me :) and stop listening to my mother who is trying to achieve her ambitions trough me:/ its hard, but step by step i guess...btw, congrats to your sister for making into med school,hope she will do good;)
     
  4. AlCal

    AlCal Member

    Hi, I can relate to a lot of what you said. I graduated from med school 2 years ago and started residency. I'm guessing you are in your 4th year of med school;if so, enjoy it. Enjoy the interview season and make sure you take a break before starting residency.
     
  5. kiwi

    kiwi New Member

    Hey, glad you replied :) in my country it's 6 years of med school and then you get a diploma and must do internship for few months. I don't know the difference between it and residency :S how are you handling it all?the work and the stress?
     
  6. AlCal

    AlCal Member

    Hi, so I didn't do so well in residency. I completed 1.5 years and needed a break. Like you I struggled with feeling competent and was always second guessing my abilities. That combined with the stress of taking care of sick pts, dealing with difficult pts and trying to survive the hours (8-14 hour days 6 days a week) ended up being too much. Try to take advantage of any time you have off. I've always had a hard time connecting with people especially when under stress (I'd rather hibernate at home with time off than go out with others), but if you are more social, it would probably help to get to know other interns and have that support at work. Good luck
     
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