If suicide is not the answer...what is?

[ArgumentGuy]

I hear this a lot from people. "Suicide is not the answer."

What does that mean?

I live a shitty existence. I'm totally unemployed. Been out of work for 2 years. Unemployment will run out soon and I'll be left with nothing I've applied to every open job I can think of, from fast food, to waiting tables, to retail, convenience stores, warehouses, and even temp agencies. I've worked with the career center at my school for the past 3 months.

Nothing. What is the answer?

I live with my parents in a town of less than 3000 people. If I want to get anywhere at all, I need to drive. Only, without a job, I can't afford gas. And my car is dying, and I can't afford to fix it, and I really can't afford a new car.

What is the answer?

I started going back to college in January. It's a school 40 miles away from where I live, and I need to take the train twice a week to get to school. Now I'm having trouble getting to school because I'm having trouble paying for the train ride. I can't afford textbooks. I can't afford the supplies I need to do my work. My schoolwork is starting to suffer. But I can't take a semester off, because if I do, my loans will start to come due.

What is the answer?

People have told me that I should turn to my family for help. My family won't help me. I've asked them to cosign loans for me so that I can pay for school, or pay to move out, or to do other things. The answer is always no. Through their connections at their own jobs, they've gotten other members of my family jobs with them. But they won't assist me in getting a job. Or finding housing. Or helping me out with basic amenities, or supplies for school, or anything like that. They just want me out of their house.

What is the answer?

My friends are great to laugh with when we meet, and fun to talk to and do things with. But when I have a problem, or am feeling down, or need someone to support me, my friends are conspicuously absent. When I say something that is meant as serious, they all turn it around into some kind of joke, as if that's all I am to them. I'm also the butt of most of their one-liners and insults. When I ask them to stop, their response is: 'But you take it so well!' There are 233 people on my friend list, and only one of them is ever truly there for me. When she's not busy, that is.

What is the answer?

My love life is...nonexistent. I'm 25 years old, and I've only ever had two relationships. Both of them had two things in common: they both lasted less than 6 months, and each of them were embarrassed to be seen with me in public. Anyone that I might be interested in now looks at me the same way everyone else does: as a joke. Or a verbal punching bag. I never ask anyone out, because I already know what their response will be.

What is the answer?

And this is what I'm left with. Asking for advice on an internet forum full of total strangers. People that probably don't even live in the same state that I do. Asking them for advice because the people that I should be closest to won't help me.

I do great things, but am never recognized for them. I give great love, but it is never reciprocated. I'm always there when someone needs me, but no one is ever there for me.

I am the physical manifestation of Murphy's Law. The world doesn't care about me.

Death seems like a fairly straightforward answer to me.

But if suicide is not the answer...what is?

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi and welcome...Is there a financial aid office at your school? At you eligible for entitlements or such? Does your school have a job placement center, or a work/study program? Just a couple of thoughts which came to mind...it is so difficult to feel that unsupported, and to know that there are no clear answers to thing that cause so much stress, but know there are so many ppl here who truly understand...please keep posting so that you know you are truly not alone...J

 

[ArgumentGuy]

Financial aid doesn't have any answers for someone like me. If I had a perfect GPA, or were a minority of some type or had a disability, then I might be able to get help from them.

The career center at school is the closest thing we have to a job placement thing, and they don't do that. They just send out part time job leads and organize job fairs. They're mainly for the people who are going to graduate soon. And they may have a work study program, but I'd still have to apply for the job, and that hasn't gone well for me so far.

 

[lachrymose27]

goarmy.com

 

[ArgumentGuy]

goarmy.com

I don't qualify physically for military service. I've tried.

 

[ArgumentGuy]

No one has the answer. My life is killing me, and I'm tired of fighting.

 

[gloomy]

Sell drugs.

To be honest, I don't know the answer… if I were you I'd probably just get in my car and drive until God gave me a sign or something… because to me it sounds like you're stuck in a crap situation and you can't get out, and sometimes a clean break or giving yourself some space can really put things in perspective and help you clear your head.

Killing yourself is a permanent solution… the one thing that stops me every time is the fact that if I truly were going to do it, then I would feel free like I can do anything because I have nothing to lose… and I realize I don't really want to die I just don't want to feel so gd trapped all the time.

I've only really completely dropped my entire life once… I didn't tell my boss I was quitting, I didn't tell my 'friends' I was never going to see them again… and to this day I still have no idea how they reacted to it… but it was the absolute BEST feeling to just leave that town forever and hop on a plane and go to a new country and a new life.

I'm kind of a hypocrite for saying this, but sometimes you need to break free from everything if only to prove to yourself that you CAN break free… it's sort of like suicide except not as permanent. Seriously, if you're 25 you're still young enough that you can handle things like sleeping in your car… the money thing is your only problem-- but you could always do one of the old 'see I was up here to see this girl and she took all my money and now I need bus fare can you help me out' deals. It's a pretty cruddy thing to do, but it's not exactly illegal and again, you don't have anything to lose.

When you come back, you might have more of an answer.

 

[gloomy]

Also, I've noticed that you get better responses on this forum if you're a girl in distress as opposed to a guy… so if you just feel like you need emotional support you could always re-register under the name 'sadgurl1995' (pretend to be young, no one can resist consoling a young girl in trouble) and you'd probably get pages and pages dedicated to why you have everything to live for.

It wouldn't be real but it would still be better than the veritable vaccuum of replies that your 'ArgumentGuy' handle is basically begging for.

 

[Dreamland]

I have to say, I know how you feel with school and work. I had to take out tons of private loans to go to school because I got zero financial aid (not even subsidized loans). Luckily I scraped up people to cosign for me, so I guess I had that, but all of my family said no. I was unemployed for about a year and couldn't find work during school, so I was surviving on a couple hundred bucks for months until I took out more loans. My family thought I was crap and I felt like crap. I managed to finish school and got a pretty great job--but here's the thing: I can pay for shit, but I'm not happy. In fact, I'm even more suicidal than before. I guess all I'm trying to say with that is that the job and money will be a relief, but you should be prepared to feel about the same. So... To address the point: what is the answer? I think it's this: know that even if you are thrown out of the house and left with nothing, you'll have the genuine chance to choose survival or death by starvation. In the end, you'll either be resigned to facing your demise or absolutely craving life. Our humanity is basically an abstraction; it all comes down to instinct in the end. So really picture yourself with nothing. Really. Nothing. If it doesn't bother you, you're ready for homelessness and starvation to take you. Still, something tells me your posting here means you will long to survive. I hope you do.

 

[chipper]

no one has the answer. we're all just trying to figure out this this life.

but this much i know.

you're alive. so live.

go through the motions. wake up, consciuosly look for thing that will entertain you, continue looking for a job, continue to look for means so you can do what you want to do, help others whenever you can.

at least, no matter what happens in the future you can tell yourself that you tried. you tried to live and you tried to be happy.

 

[johnnysays]

Gloomy, I loved your reply(s). Your comment about how killing ourselves is the greatest expression of freedom and control available, but it's permanent, is genius. Just the act of knowing you can kill yourself and being on the edge of doing so, is enough to free you and then, at that point, to know whether you still have a will to live or not. If you still have a will to live then the feeling of freedom you will feel will make you ask the following question: if I am trying to get away from this life, then why does this feeling of freedom feel so good? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM? That's the question. Is it freedom you want, or a permanent non-existence?

Your comment about girls is spot on. Part of me understands. Girls are like fine china. Just a small crack and we're all over them wanting to help to put her back together. But when a guy has a small crack, we just shrug it off. Guys are bullet proof.

 

[Entoloma43]

Sometimes there is no answer.