I can never have anything or anyone good in life. I finally meet someone who was so good and we both had the same ideas about life. two weeks before Christmas she told me she wanted me to be her boyfriend and we would be together. We continued having a good time when a week later she said she made a mistake. She gave the famous it's not u it's me, and said her heart is not ready for anything and we are just living a lie. She said I;m such a great guy, but we all know that's not true because why would she end something that is good. I didn't see this coming because to me we were not lying about how much we cared for each other. My world has always been something good happening followed closely be something bad. good has just been a place holder in waits for a bad event. I am sick of living with hurt in my heart and do not want to do it anymore. I don't know why I'm such a bad person and why so many other people get to have life work out for them. I've heard the things get better and things will work out speech and I'm sorry, but it has been many years and it has never worked out. I just want a life where I can care about someone and have them care back. I want to be able to share what's in my heart that I;m surprized is still there for other people even though I feel nothing special for myself. If you really knew me, you would encourage me to end this crap. What is the best way to go and make it look like an accident? I don't want her to feel bad if I make it look intentinal because stupid me still cares about her even though I have a knife in my heart that she put in.