if you feel guilty you've done something wrong

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by morning rush, Apr 28, 2013.

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  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I've heard that often and I always thought it was wrong. Because I often I know I did nothing wrong but at the same time I felt as though it was my fault. I think when you're abused and you hear that, it makes you feel even more like your the culprit when you aren't...

    I don't understand how someone can say that to people with a straight face...

    I've felt guilty for a lot of things even though I knew I didn't commit them...it was like a second nature really...and I don't know how to break it off...to rehabilitate the way I think...
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    What a load of bull! People often feel quilty when they're not to blame.
    Remarks like this are like my particular pet hate "No smoke without fire"
    I have a very mea culpae personality, going through customs at airports is a nightmare, I look so damned guilty, when I haven't bought a thing that's not allowed.
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I agree with what you're saying. I don't get why people say that...I hated it so much being told that...because I knew I didn't do anything wrong...but I guess it's an abuser tactic of somekind to convince the victim THEY are the ones who are wrong...:(
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    People love to place blame elsewhere.
    Sometimes it's just little things and sometimes it's something huge like "you were dressed inappropriately so you asked for it".
    That particular remark sends up a red flag with me.

    I once had a psychiatric nurse suggest I was to blame for my grandfather's abuse of me.
    He actually came out with, "6 year olds can be very sexually provocative".
    This was my greatest fear, that it was indeed all my fault.
    It wasn't my fault, I know it, you know it and any right thinking person knows it!

    Next time someone tries to lay a guilt trip on you, take time out,consider what they've said, consider the situation and if it's not your fault SAY SO!
    Not easy, not easy in the least, God knows I've bitten my tongue over the years, till one day someone pissed me off so much (and this time I was in the wrong lol) that I turned round and said "You of course are perfect, have never done anything you're ashamed off and have no skeletons rattling in your cupboard!"
    They had the grace to blush.
  5. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    I feel guilty for my abuse and stuff which happened to me and know its silly cos not my fault. I was blamed for my mums cancer and feel anger towards myself and so now have HUGE guilt about this, though rationally its not so, how could I cause the cancer?
    People are good at putting their insecurities and blame on the innocent to make them feel better/cope, but its not right and screws people up.
    Morning rush I so wish to rehabilitate from this constant feeling guilty...............any ideas of how we can go about it?

    Much love xx
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Just a thought, my parish priest once told me to not forgive oneself was a sin in itself, and that sometimes we hang on to things that God has forgiven but we have not.
    Maybe the guilt comes from thinking, "there was something I could/should have done".
    This is not always the case, often there are situations and times where there was nothing we could do, so forgive yourself and take the guilt makers power away from them.
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