If you had cancer, would you want people to know?

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by pogosticker, Mar 25, 2012.

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  1. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    Random question. But if you found out you had cancer, would you mind people knowing? Or would you try to keep it to yourself in order to prevent people treating you differently?

    I'm not sure. I think I'd keep it to myself at first till I knew what I was fighting, in order to not scare anyone. My mother died of cancer so my family would likely be upset and scared.
     
  2. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    I do not want anyone treating me differently or going out of their way to be kind to me - I hate that.
    As with all things, I would keep it to myself, especially if it was inoperable. No point in making people worried over something that cannot be done to save me.
     
  3. Seems_Perfect

    Seems_Perfect Well-Known Member

    About 3 years ago I had to await a cancer diagnosis and the initial symptoms were such that the U.S. military was preparing to send me back to the States (I was elsewhere at the time). It turned out to be something that wasn't serious and I soon returned to perfect health. Still, it gave me time to think. I didn't tell anyone about the tests or the concerns my doctors had because I made up my mind that I wouldn't tell anyone about the diagnosis if it indeed came back as cancer. I also decided that, depending on the stage, I may not fight it at all. I fully understand that a truly educated final decision on these points can only be made by those diligently fighting the disease, and I understand that everyone handles things differently. Its just that for me, I don't talk to people in my life about anything of significance and when I was awaiting my results it was no different. Like so many other things, I just kept it to myself.
     
  4. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    No. Honestly, I wouldn't want the "empathy" from people who don't care about me otherwise. It's so... I don't know, pathetic, how some people only care when someone is terminally ill or dead.

    The only people I would tell would be one of my sisters and my mother. Everyone else would be none the wiser. I wouldn't want to be treated differently by anyone. I wouldn't want people that ignore me otherwise to suddenly (and magically) remember my number and I wouldn't want people that aren't that close to me to suddenly (and magically) become closer.

    Maybe that's the cynic in me speaking, but I'm being honest. *shrug*
     
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'd probably only let the people that I'm closest to know about it. I wouldn't want to be treated differently, because I know that people would be nicer to me when they aren't now. Meaning they would be nice to me out of sympathy and not because they care about me.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No i would not want to burden them with worries
     
  7. Morbituarty

    Morbituarty Well-Known Member

    No,even my family won't care.
     
  8. tness

    tness Well-Known Member

    No, and Im wishing sometimes that I was sick.
     
  9. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    no. the same reason i don't want anyone in rl to know i'm suicidal
     
  10. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I'm going to completely buck the trend here and say yes.

    Not so much because I want the fake sympathy, because I already know that most people don't give a rat's ass about me. But unlike suicide, cancer isn't something I would have any control over. If I had cancer and knew I was dying from it, I would make sure everyone knew that I wasn't going to lift a fucking finger to do a damn thing around here any more. It would be a perfect excuse to give up without people thinking I was just being whiny. What are they going to say? Tell me to cheer up? Tell me to get back to work? When I have fucking cancer? No, they wouldn't say a fucking thing, they would keep their big stupid mouths shut and let me die in peace and quiet. That way it wouldn't be any big shock to anyone when I finally did pass. Not like suicide, which is likely to catch people off guard and cause a scene. Nah, at least with cancer, I could tell people, they would give their condolences, I would die, and if anyone ever asked what happened to me, they would say "oh, he had cancer", instead of "you didn't hear??? He killed himself! Can you believe it?"
     
  11. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Any type of likely terminal illness brings this exact question. You can say not you would not tell, but reality is as it progresses people inevitably know anyway - so my answer is - yes , the people that mean anything to me I would, and no - in large part i would wish the rest of the world to not know at all.
     
  12. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    If I had terminal Cancer I would want only my nearest and dearest to know as it is important to be able to say goodbye.
     
  13. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    No I wouldn't want anyone to know, but out of respect for my closest friends and family, I would probably share with them.
     
  14. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    No. My closest friends sure. But not my family. My mother would be a wreck if she found out.
     
  15. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

  16. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I probably would. Hell, they would treat me a whole lot better than if I told them I had depression and was suicidal, given how fucking taboo it is, especially in my Indian culture, with the circle of people I know in it. :(

    With cancer, they'd actually feel pity for me and maybe treat me a bit better. With depression, they will laugh, and mock and tell me to just "get over it". Shame many people think that way of mental diseases. They can't see them, so they just can't be as "bad" as physical diseases. Yeah right, they are just as bad, if not worse. I think I would rather have cancer than constant depression that has robbed me of any dreams, goals, aspirations, meaning, purpose in life. I would rather have cancer and at least be happy and still want to enjoy what life I would still have left, instead of just barely surviving as a pitiful zombie who barely doesn't anything with his current time and life as a whole.
     
  17. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I agree. Though since I am already depressed, it's not likely that cancer would make me appreciate my life any more. It would just be icing on the miserable cake - the silver lining being that at least I wouldn't have to think about taking my own life anymore, as it would sort itself out. Still, it would be nice to be remembered as someone whose life was stolen from him by cancer as opposed to a "selfish coward" who took his own life.
     
  18. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I did have cancer about 8 years ago and until they operated they weren't sure if it was benign or malignant..
    I had to tell my family so they could be there for me.
    after the removal of the lump from inside the sheath of the spinal column in the neck, it turned out to be benign.
    I guess I was lucky I wasn't a paraplegic from it..

    Nowadays i wouldn't tell them because they don't give a damn about me and wouldn't be there for me anyway..
    It's one of my biggest worries getting something like cancer with no one being there for me with support and comfort
    :grouphug:
     
  19. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    Probably not, I don't see what I could benefit from it, when people found out I tried to commit suicide they didn't care, so I doubt they would care if I had cancer. If it was terminal, I'm not sure whether I would tell my children or not. I wouldn't want to worry them but I also don't want them to regret not spending the limited time that I would have with me, simply because they didn't know. My grandma had a terminal illness that no one told me about and all of a sudden she was gone, if I knew she was going to die I would of spent everyday with her in hospital rather than sitting at home waiting for her to come home. I know if I cared about her as much as I make out I should of spent more time with her regardless if she was ill or not but when you think someone is going to be around for at least another twenty years, you don't think about it.
     
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