If you had to

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Undone, Jul 19, 2008.

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  1. Undone

    Undone Active Member

    could you live the rest of your life feeling this way? Or do you a have timeframe or a certain circumstance that has to be met before you'd be willing to check out? I've been pondering this alot lately.

    Sometimes I think I could live out my days this way, but under different conditions; I wouldn't be able to deal with worrying about life's everyday stressors; like working & making ends meet, or trying to keep relationships together. I would just want to be left alone. But that's not going to happen, so...

    The main thing that stops me from even considering doing anything to myself right now is my boyfriend. I couldn't put him through that. We almost broke up a couple months back & I got scared, there would be nothing left holding me to this world.

    I have a method & plan already decided for when the time does comes. I guess luckly for me the method I have chosen isn't easy to come by, so that keeps me from doing anything impulsive. But it's also a pretty guaranteed method, so once I do secure what I need, there's really no turning back.

    I find it hard wrapping my head around living like this for another 50, 60 or70 years. How could I? How could anyone? Popping pills just to make it through the day. Well I guess that's how the elderly live anyway. We've found all these ways to extend life, but have we actually improved the quality of life? Maybe if my good days began to out number my bad I could gain some perspective, but I haven't had a good day in... I don't even know.

    I'm going off subject. I'll end here.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I suppose I could live the rest of my life feeling this way, although I feel so terrible I think the length of my life would be drastically reduced. I hold it all inside so I have constant panic, stomach aches. I feel like in a few years I'll just die of an ulcer or cancer or some stress created disease.
    If not I still think I could continue on living. If I decide to make a change and live a better life, great. If not, maybe I'll just become one of those guys who gets obsessed with a video game. Like play Counter Strike 24/7 and attend video game conferences.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Speaking as one of the elders I think you need to find something to keep your mind busy. You are luckey that you are able to get around. yes I could live like this as long as nothing changes. I have learned to live with my illness. being an isolationist I have learned that my life isn't going to get any better. I do have a plan if things change. I refuse to be a burden on my family. As long as I am able to pay my way, I should be O.K. I do have my bad days when I want it to end. You just have to keep telling yourself positive things eventually the thoughts will change to something else.:chopper:
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