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"If you REALLY wanted to die you'd be dead already"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Psychosomatattack, May 24, 2012.

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  1. Psychosomatattack

    Psychosomatattack Active Member

    Is there anyone else who often hears and hates the statement that is the title of this thread?

    What stops me from committing suicide is the pain/fear. Why do people say that if I was *truly* suicidal (as if they know if I am or not) I wouldn't be afraid to just jump from a height or something. Where does this logic come from?

    So, because I'm so depressed I want to die, suddenly I have no fear? Of pain, of heights, of fear itself?

    They often counter this with, "Well, even if you were afraid you'd know it would all be over in a second so you'd do it anyway."

    So, here is the reality: I AM afraid of heights, of pain, of other things. If I wasn't... I may be dead now, or at least planning something concrete.

    Maybe these people don't realize that fear is one of the things that CONTRIBUTES to my depression on a daily basis. Anxiety, and lots of it (though it isn't the worst of my problems). Plus, why would I want to spend my last few moments terrified or in agony? Haven't I had enough of that?

    It's just one more thing that makes me feel awful. Being told that I'm not REALLY suicidal, I just want attention and don't want to die, because if I was serious I would just take a running jump off of something.

    Of course I don't want to die. And yet, I do. I feel that I must. And fear gets in the way, no matter how utterly depressed I am. I wish I had the nerves of steel required to do something crazy, because then I would feel a bit more peaceful knowing I had a way out and could take it. But I don't. I'm too afraid to try.

    So I remain here, listening to the idiots who tell me I'm not really suicidal. Yeah, thanks.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You have that right these people are ignorant and don't have a dam clue what depression is or suicidal ideation is and they are just cruel to make a statement like that I hope that you do get treatment hun so you can have peace here hugs
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. There are times when I am so close to taking my own life, and the only thing that stops me is fear. Like you said, I don't want to die, but I do. I want to live and be happy, but I'd rather be dead than be in constant misery. Yet it's not that easy to just take your own life. It's funny that people will call suicide a cowardly act, yet it takes incredible courage to actually go through with it. The only reason I'm still alive is because I've been too cowardly to take my life at the times when I most wanted to. Probably the dumbest statement I've ever heard someone make is, "don't ever take threats of suicide seriously, because the people who talk about it never actually do it". Oh really??? I'd be willing to bet that 80-90% of people who do commit suicide had talked about being depressed and suicidal before they actually did it.

    I do think that deep down, many of us do want to live, we just don't want to live feeling the way that we do. So we hang on to hope and reach out to others in the hopes that they will be understanding and help us feel better. But when people belittle us and our problems, it just makes us hate the world a little more. Just another reason to want to die...
  4. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    Lonewolf your last paragraph sums up all my feelings about suicide.
  5. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    I have heard this also a lot of times...
    People don't take you serious if you talk about suicide...even after an attempt they don't...
    Lots of people even don't understand what it is like... living on that edge...the cry for help...the need of a friend...
    and it pushes you deeper and deeper...untill there is no return...
  6. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Ive attempted a ton of times.. and I was still called a liar by the hospitals.. That I was merely attention seeking.. But of the times I actually attempted maybe 80% I actually went full on into the attempt.. and another maybe 8% I was too scared to go all the way.. and the rest.. I wasn't sure if it was to harm myself or die.. And a lot of people do actually talk about suicide or death even jokingly before they actually commit.. What I don't understand is why so many assumptions are made in this world..
  7. Morgana

    Morgana Well-Known Member

    I've heard people say this...and it makes me hate people all the more. >.< I almost want to tell them "do you *want* me to die or something?" I'm afraid of those things, too. It helps me not do anything. You would think that would be a good thing, but apparently not...
  8. Gypsy_Girl

    Gypsy_Girl Active Member

    Give me enough for an easy death and i will take my life but there i cant bear to leave behind my family and hamsters but living everyday is a torture, tell me what should i do?

    i see girls around me happy and laughing while i spent an hour crying everyday but yet no guts to suicide... i do not know why though... i feel i am living my life for the slightest hope and my love for my family and my hamsters... i feel ashamed that my love for my family has not stopped me from being suicidal or am i being delusional riding on hopes that i am living my life for the slightest hop which will never happen...
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2012
  9. kristy1970

    kristy1970 Active Member

    I feel sometimes like I don't want to kill myself, but that I'd just not wake up or get some kind of terminal illness or die in a car accident. My nephew committed suicide and it devasted our family... I don't want my family to feel that pain again as I feel it would be very selfish of me. I came close a couple of times, but only slept for a couple days. I also ran to the hwy right by my subdivision and tried to run into the traffic and of all people, my 17 year old (at the time) tackled me... she is in the Army now and tells me not to do anything stupid cuz she can take me down faster LOL. Sorry I try to be humorous whenever possible. :eek:hwell:
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2012
  10. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    While you do have a valid point, I cannot help but think that this more of a challenge you are putting out to the point who post such things. Kind of like: "Kill yourself or shut the hell up with that kind of talk!"
  11. jacob77

    jacob77 Member

    I think we're all ambivalent to some degree. We want to die but a part of us doesn't want to. For me, I'm afraid I will end up living after a botched suicide attempt. Then, I would be very miserable and most likely more miserable than I am now. Most people don't understand suicidal thinking and the way we think. Take care.
  12. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Try not to worry about what ignorant,clueless,uneducated people say remember they have no idea what you're going through&don't walk in your shoes.I've heard that much ignorance from people ranging from family mainly,friends alot and even strangers.I think fear is a huge thing noone wants to attempt suicide and be in agony they just want to be gone.I've thought that to myself so often I'd hate to make an attempt and survive that's the last thing I want.It's very common with alot of suicidal people the fear of heights,pain etc etc is natural of course.
  13. Psychosomatattack

    Psychosomatattack Active Member

    Thanks for the replies, everyone.

    I was just curious as to what others here have experienced as far as the title of the thread goes, and I was venting too. It makes me angry and hurt when people say that to me.

    Leif, I'm sorry, I read your post several times but I didn't understand exactly what you were saying. Would you mind clarifying?

    If you meant something along the lines of that you feel I am challenging someone, I'm not (unless of course you count the people who say things like "You're not REALLY suicidal" - I am definitely challenging them, because they have no idea what they are talking about and seem to just spew nonsense they hear elsewhere, cliches about suicide and depression.

    There are too many variables for it to always be cut and dry. I think someone can be depressed and still afraid to take the final step out of deep-seated fear.
  14. bak8976

    bak8976 Member

    Thank you so much! This is what I've been hearing from my family since I was 13. I don't want the attention for being depressed or suicidal, I want the pain to go away, but I understand my fears in committing suicide. The fear is so hard, I've tried before but my fear now precludes me. I hate it, but like that I have some will to live. Thank you.
  15. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I think it's the age old thing really we want to end it of course because being tired of this pain always&can't see it as ever getting any better and really worth living or well existing.Try your best to ignore ignorant comments as much as possible I know it's not easy to ignore but you can only do your best.try to remember these people don't experience your pain most likely of course and probably have never even gone through any such depression either in their lives also.
  16. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    it has some truth to it because most people dont have the guts or the stomach to do it. its really a pretty difficult thing. i have a much higher stability than the majority and i made one serious attempt about 6 years ago. i was close back in January but i got thrown an unexpected curve ball at the last second, but the person who changed everything chose to play ignorant to my suffering and kick me to the curb, so I'm pretty much back to square 1.

    back in the day i was paralyzed by catatonia and inertia for a long long time and if i had an easily reliable method i would be dead 1000 times over by now. however this isnt typical either. now i have similar problems but im angrier, which makes it that much easier.

    if you truly do want to die and are aware of things in general its also the fear of screwing up and ending up in a compromised position, half brain dead, paraplegic, committed to a hospital for an extended period of time etc. you view it as a fundamental right and youve thought about it far more than any of the chumps who are trying to give you advice. so you want it to be all or nothing. you either do it completely and utterly, or not at all. for most people its an emotional thing. for me its a rational analysis of how likely a pleasant life is, combined with reaching that 'breaking point' threshold which has pretty much been reached
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