If you think your life sucks, not even close to mine

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Doxic, Nov 10, 2010.

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  1. Doxic

    Doxic Member

    Okay, ready for this? This is my actual life:

    As a child:
    Sexually abused by my father and brother
    Emotionally abused by my mother and brother
    Picked on for being overweight
    Parents physically abusive toward one another
    Dad abandoned the family

    As an adolescent:
    Raped by my older brother
    Beaten by my brother
    Emotionally abused by my mother
    We became poor after being robbed and after legal bills

    Since college started two months ago:
    Sexual orientation issues
    Got HIV from the first person I voluntarily had sex with
    Mental Breakdown and Flashbacks
    Great Aunt died
    Aunt had a heart attack and stroke -> coma
    Aunt's dog (closest thing to my pet) got a tumor
    My big brother overdosed and died
    My mom got cancer
    I'm failing school
    My friend found out he had HIV and was hit by a car ->coma
    Entered into a relationship in which I'm being abused
    Oral thrush from weakened immune system
    Haven't been sleeping due to nightmares

    If you think that your life is bad, I hope that this has given you some perspective.
    Life sucks...but I'm not even suicidal.
  2. nonethelessjaclyn

    nonethelessjaclyn Well-Known Member

    wow, i'm so sorry. you don't deserve to be treated like that.
    i'm glad you're not suicidal, but can you get out of the abusive relationship?
    anorexia is a terrible thing to do to your body, please try alternate methods to lose weight that are safer.
    i'm sorry for all the losses you've encountered, i wish i could relate but nobody that close to me has died.
    i really hope you life turns around soon. nobody should ever go through such horrible things.
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sorry for all the bad things that you have experienced. i have ptsd because of childhood sexual abuse, i have flashbacks and horrible nightmares. i'm taking propranalol for the nightmares. it has really helped. are you taking anything? it is worth asking your doctor about it.
  4. Polystyrene

    Polystyrene Member

    i think its important to know what is wrong so it can be fixed, but when you dont know whats wrong other than the suicidal idealatin and depression, no triggers, nothing. it sucks. you have meds to help the pain, but my meds dont fix my problems, its different, but the grass is always greener, isnt it?
  5. asrunDREAM

    asrunDREAM Member

    i'm sorry, but while i can definitely appreciate your openness and the situation your in, it doesn't justify you telling people whether or not they can or cannot feel suicidal(or depressed or anything for that matter) on their current situation. i genuinely feel bad for the situation you're in and what you've had to endure, but comparing what you've been through with others and then telling them to gain perspective isn't helpful in this particular situation. some people are just more emotional and mentally fragile than others. it's admirable that you're not suicidal after all you've been through but ultimately, it's subjective. it's like people's threshold for pain~ some can just endure more than others.

    i can see you're life certainly hasn't been the easiest, and again, it's admirable, but please respect what others have gone through and appreciate their situations as everyone has been with yours.
  6. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    i think its a little but harsh for you to say your lifes worse than everyone elses here.. we all deal with things in different ways and what may not effect someone can destroy another person.

    Im sorry all these things have happened to you.. and i really hope you find the help that you need. and deserve x
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Ah hun i have understanding of alot of your pain i do and i hope and pray you are getting therapy for all that pain and abuse youwent through
    Each of our pains is unique to us and us alone and the depth it goes inside us there is very little control of that.
    You have resilence or are able to bury alot of your past quite well
    Try not to judge others okay you just don't understand that sometimes the pain overides everything
    I think you are just not feeling that pain you have buried it so well I too was able to deal with living a long time until one day everything seem to rise up inside me and i was lost.
    I hope you get the supports in place now okay don't wait until the shit hits the fan so to speak
    I am so sorry for all the tragedies that has hit you I feel the anger in your words i do and i hope you get help with that anger and pain inside you
  8. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member


    Im so so sorry that you have and still are going through some terrible times.

    If you wish to talk you can PM me or add me to msn.

    **hugs** xxx
  9. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    yeah for sure you had a lot of shitty things happen in your life but this isn't a pissing contest and by no means am i belittling anything that happened to you...just pointing out that we all have problems that for us are hard to deal with and pretty shitty, some of us have worse problems than others but it doesn't make them any less of a problem.
  10. Ronny

    Ronny Banned Member

    That's inspirational in the sense that with everything that you have been through you are still being strong and getting on with it! awesome! Still if you ever need to talk about things and i am sure at some point you will then i would be happy to listen. Take care of yourself Doxic :)
  11. Doxic

    Doxic Member

    Yeah, sorry if it sounded like I was trying to belittle. I just meant by "perspective" that I hope that this helps sooth the worries of others. For example, my friend was suicidal over grades, then I told her everything, and she felt pretty stupid because it was just a drop in the ocean compared to my life. It was meant to be helpful.
  12. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member


    You have lived in suffering from the ones supposed to love you and I send my heart to you...

    I think it is great that you point out how your life can be full of suffering and still finding reasons to live, you are really strong, I don't think you meant to diminish anybody, as I have told the story of my first and last attempt, people have opened themselves to me with stories of unimaginable suffering, some of them with different sufferings from what you lived, I can't say if they were worst as they were just different sufferings and at different degrees, but sometimes I had to stop them as I couldn't hear all of the awful details (I am very open minded, but it was just excessive), but everytime I heard them, I realized that there is never a good reason to end your life, we just need to find a way to deal with our sufferings differently... :)

    You are in my prayers, hope you find your way out of the abusive relationship.
  13. jimmy88

    jimmy88 Well-Known Member

    Your situation sounds rough, but as someone with issues beyond academics/social drama that really doesn't lift my spirits any. I just can't measure the quality of my life based on the misfortune of others.
  14. lapazyelamor

    lapazyelamor Well-Known Member

    i feel for you you didnt deserve any of that , i hope you could see that you are not a bad person in any way and can love yourself and realise if there is a god in heaven that he loves you as well, it might sound crazy to you but christ said "come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and i will give you rest" belief in god is not irrational only the way people get hurt by things out of their control is, make sure you do not have any sexual relations with anyone else as if you havce hiv you know it is not right im sure you understand that ...i wish you all the best but you are not alone everyone has a unique life and i am in as much pain as you without having endured the same types of abuse and misfortune ....
  15. lapazyelamor

    lapazyelamor Well-Known Member

    its not harsh at all its just a figure of speech
  16. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Wow that sounds horrendous I almost thought for half a second you were a troll it sounded THAT bad but I don't think you are one. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one because it's certainly possible to have such horrible luck, In a sense I almost hope you are troll because that suffering sounds very deep. I'm not calling you out or anything I'm just saying and being honest.

    How do you know you got HIV from being in college? Were you tested for it beforehand?

    Unless the doctors told you it was in acute infection stage due to past negative HIV tests to pinpoint when you were infected OR if you had a Viral load test that was through the rough which came down substantially indicating acute HIV infection.Yes most people who get infected get ARS so that could be of some use but many other sickness could be mistaken for ARS.

    I believe what you describe sounds much worse compared to someone having some school issues or problems with the opposite sex BF/GF. It is certainly hard to compare pain or suffering because only the person walking in their own shoes can really feel or truly understand how it is to be them day in and day out. At the same time everyone deals with stuff differently. Some people can be traumatized easier than others. Just because someone else has worse problems doesn't make mine any better which is true. At the same time hearing others with such misfortune or suffering can to some degree make people more grateful or appreciative of what they do have. Everyone has at least something to be grateful for I call it an attitude of gratitude.

    Think of all of the kids born in Africa with HIV orphaned no food or proper water what kind of life is that, it's horrible to think about.

    What's your CD4 count and viral load? It sounds a bit early for oral thrush but it's certainly possible.

    Actually regarding HIV lapa you do not have to disclose unless your having unprotected sex, although it may be morally wrong because the condom could break etc. But if it does you could tell the person and they could go to the hospital and get PEP which greatly reduces the already low chances of transmission. There is a large stigma associated with HIV.

    Even for a while there I thought I may had been infected with HIV and I was afraid to have sex for 3 months(I didn't want to not known who infected me or nor did I want to have anyone else suffer like I did) I became a total recluse as if I wasn't enough of one already! And even then was still worried until I tested negative at 6 months after I had a strange ARS type sickness. I'm still having symptoms as well, fatigue, loss of appetite, loose stools, neurological symptoms to name a few so who knows what's wrong with me I have a family history of autoimmune diseases as well.

    The transmission risk is 1/1000 on average per act for unprotected vaginal sex and around 1/150 for anal sex albeit there are many factors which can make it easier to transmit if the person who has it has been recently infected if either partner has STD's the duration of sex/exposure etc.

    try www.thebody.com for some HIV info
  17. LogDork

    LogDork Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I kinda know what you mean. I didnt have the emotional trauma, but I did have a compound femur fracture, right leg. The bone ripped through the front of my thigh, and they couldnt give me opiates cause of the shock, and trauma.
    Not many people have experienced pain at that level.
    The PTSD, and it's affects on my brain chemistry probably caused similar effect to what you must go through, very confusing.
  18. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry all those things are happened to you, and I hope you find a sweet lining in your life. I was picked on for being nice, and doing my homework. Stupid school full of stupid gangster wannabes. I've also had a sexual experience with an older sibling, and it made me a monster. I've thought about having sex with every one of my female family members before I even hit puberty. My religious upbringing led to me being suicidal. My life isn't that bad compared to yours. I get good grades most of the time.
  19. Oloriel

    Oloriel Well-Known Member

    People often try to soothe my depression and suicidality by "putting things in perspective," and telling me to think about all the people out there who have worse problems than I do. This proceeds to send me deeper into a spiral of depression and guilt over me daring to feel the way I do when I have no right to be depressed. I know you have already addressed this in your replies here but...I don't know. It's probably foolish of me to have said anything.

    Either way, I too thought you may have been a troll at first, and a part of me hopes that you are, because no one deserves to have to endure the things you've endured. But I will trust you, because that's what I want to do for people on this site, and instead of doubts I will give you hugs because that's what we need more. You sound strong, stronger than I am - don't ever lose that.
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