If you're suicidal, you should read this

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jess, Jan 18, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Jess

    Jess Guest

    I don't know if anyones ever posted this before.. I searched and didn't find it. but I found it today and thought I'd share...
    Note: Everything I have written down here I got from: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

    If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

    I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

    I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

    Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.



    Start by considering this statement:

    “Suicide is not chosen; it happens
    when pain exceeds
    resources for coping with pain.”


    That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.


    Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

    When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

    You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

    Now I want to tell you five things to think about.


    1 You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

    2 Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

    3 People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

    4 Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

    But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:


    • Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
    • Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.
    • Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
    • Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
    • Call a psychotherapist
    Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
    But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

    5 Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

    Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

    Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.


    Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.

    Now: I’d like you to call someone.
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2007
  2. Jess

    Jess Guest

    While you're at it.. more info...

    • How serious is our condition?
    • ...“he only took 15 pills, he wasn’t really serious...” if others are making you feel like you’re just trying to get attention... read this.


    • Recovery from greif and loss...has anyone significant in your life recently died? You would be in good company... many suicidal people have recently suffered a loss.

    • The Stigma of suicide
    • that prevents suicidal people from recovering: we are not only fighting our own pain, but the pain that others inflict on us... and that we ourselves add to. Stigma is a huge complicating factor in suicidal feelings.

    • Recorces about suicide
    • ...if you are suicidal, you are most likely experiencing some form of depression. This is good news, because depression can be treated, helping you feel better.
     
  3. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    Jess, This is an awesum Thread, And i reckon it shud be stickerized
     
  4. Jess

    Jess Guest

    :laugh: that was fast
     
  5. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Yep, you can now say without shame, that you are sticky :wink:

    Good post btw :hug:
     
  6. bombeni

    bombeni Guest

    Very thoughtful and thought-provoking post. Thanks for taking the time. Your sincerity comes through loud and clear!
     
  7. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    i agree. very thought provoking,, and was just the right medicine,, thankyou
     
  8. Kugatsu

    Kugatsu Active Member

    Things like this work for a lot of people but they never work for me. For one reason or another, I can never take anything thats too overly cheery or positive. It's always poison to my eyes or ears and I could never take it seriously.
     
  9. Dark Primrose

    Dark Primrose Member

    Yes, I know what you mean :(
     
  10. DarkAndLonely

    DarkAndLonely New Member

    I agree with this to some extent but I think it is a sign of weakness (for me at least). I started off by cutting everyone else off from my life because I want to hurt as few people when I go (weakness). I'm down to one person left that I used to talk to all the time whom is in med school. < Mod Edit: Abacus21: methods> But sure enough, I've just about cut her off from my life too and now I'm just about the only one left.

    The idea of giving yourself 24 hours or a week before you do anything is something that really does work. Back when I was first going to off myself, I was not so sure about if I really wanted to do it or not so I said to myself, "If I give myself a week and still have these feelings... I'll do it... but if I feel any doubt during that time I won't and will need to start the week over." It used to work for me, but I'm not so sure it will for much longer...


    P.S. To you all above talking about how you don't take complements well, I know what you mean. I'm in the position where people used to made fun of me a lot when I was younger and they were sarcastic in their complements if you know what I mean.

    About a year ago I said I was fed up with it and attempted to change my life. I starting working out, worked hard so I could save up money to get laser eye surgery to get rid of those silly glasses and a few more things. Now I think people honestly complement me (maybe?) but I don't take it well... ever. I'm in my younger-mid 20's and I'd like to think people are pretty mature at this day in age but I still feel remanence of the past. It sucks. Every complement pushes me to the edge once step closer and I can't wait till I finally jump.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 26, 2009
  11. Me too. I can't tolerate cheery promises of relief that are based upon nothing more than a flimsy notion that things might get better. Well, I might win the state lottery too, but what are the chances of that ?

    Why does everyone who tries to talk someone out of suicide assume that they are over-reacting? Yes, it always helps potential victims of suicide to treat them like children. "yes, you poor dear, you couldn't possibly have
    an accurate view of your life and problems, and besides they couldn't really be that bad anyway..."

    "So according to you ( the would-be rescuer ) things aren't really
    so bad that I should off myself ? Well if they weren't bad enough to kill myself, then why would I consider doing it ? Do you think I'm killing myself simply because I find it amusing ?

    Of course people should be discouraged from killing themselves over trivial things, but what's trivial to one person may be monumental to another. Discouraging people from suicide is not a one size fits all solution.....sometimes a person just needs to be allowed to say their goodbyes to the world and then leave.:sadwave:
     
  12. Jess

    Jess Guest

    Sorry this has become such a controversial thread :sad:
     
  13. Don't be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong and your intentions were only to be helpful. Personally I feel beyond the reach of any hopeful solutions but that doesn't mean that your thread doesn't help others on the forum. Some of us are just too worn out from life to hold on anymore. Some are reachable, others are not, but you shouldn't be reluctant about offering helpful advice.
     
  14. Death71

    Death71 Guest

    I started University and my Dad died, just before my final exams at the end of University the love of my life decided to split up with me. I made it through the exams and got a good degree, the last few years since 2005 I've just been in limbo. I still love my ex and have been seeing her now and then ever since we split up in 2004, I always hoped that maybe we'd get back together. She moved to a different part of the country last year and for the last six months I've been seeing her every month or so and staying the weekends. Now she's telling me she can't do it anymore, and that she went out on a date with someone over the weekend, she wants to move on in her life.

    I had depression last year for which I was on medication for, but came off of it last August. In August my best friend died, now my ex just wants to see me occasionally, i can't stay the weekends anymore. I've lost my friend and now i've lost her again. I was moving to the same county as her to start a fresh next Monday, as i haven't worked for a while because i've been I'll. Basically what i'm saying is that i always used to believe things would get better, i'm wrong. I'm totally alone now, the person i've been closet to in my whole life doesn't want me, i'm out of friends, I just exsist, i don't want to exist anymore. I know people will be upset but i can't face going on like this, i can't face the thought of my ex being with someone else and having a nice life, it's petty and childish. All my hopes and dreams have gone and all you're left with is mediocrity. I wish there was a button you could just push to die, why is it mandatory to stay alive, the only part of the day i enjoy is when i'm asleep. I can't start my new job on Monday, I just feel miserable, how can i go on acting as if everything is alright. It's all in your genes, people that have positive outlooks or are generally upbeat can never understand the struggle that other people have.
     
  15. kennroe

    kennroe Staff Alumni

    Far from it Jess, if it wasnt already a sticky id make it one.

    Ok, so it might not help everyone but its still a great thread with great advice regardless.
     
  16. so long and goodnight

    so long and goodnight Active Member

    thanks, now ill kill myself after reading that.
     
  17. I Need Help:(

    I Need Help:( New Member

    Seeking other help.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2007
  18. Acetaminophen

    Acetaminophen Well-Known Member

    well said
     
  19. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    I see that as the first result every time I Google "suicide." It's helpful, although it doesn't address the alarmingly depraved (e.g. me).
     
  20. Jawa

    Jawa Guest

    The resource sounds like it has been written by someone who's read a few psychology books, and doesn't really want to admit it - so that they can put up a front and be more appealing to the reader. The reason why I say this is they use a few of the terminology words commonly said amongst psychologists.

    If people actually want to read good resources of information related to the topic of suicide, read books. The internet is famous for coming up with any old stuff using search engines. I'm not talking about these self-help books you see everywhere that can be written by anyone, I'm talking about books that are written by fully train medical proffessionals, with also a lot of experience regarding the topic of suicide.

    Books I recommend are one's written by :
    Dr Paul Hauck, Ph.D
    Adam Cash, Ph.D
    Laura L. Smith Ph.D
    Charles H. Elliott Ph.D
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.