Ignore my rant

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ĹốŞŧβōΨž, May 7, 2009.

  1. I am just feed up and tired of feeling like this, fed up that everyday i struggle to work struggle through the day. I'm fed up of having to talk to stupid people who dont give a shit about whats really on my mind they care more about why my shirt is slightly creased and whether i have finished writing last weeks report.

    I am fed up of living like a ghost having noone to talk too noone that i can turn too. But what hurts me the most is knowing i dont have the strength too try and do anything about.

    Too many times i have trie too help myself too many times i have had the elation of hope only for it to be dashed and not working and feeling like its me bacause i cant do anything about it.

    I really tried to go to the doctors again to try and get something to let it all out i even wrote it down in case i couldnt say it, but i couldnt bring myself to do it the fear of what he might say knowing how doctors have treated me in the past.

    Now i have nothing i cant turn to friends the feew i have left think i am fucked up as it is and would probably laugh at me or worse tell everyone. i have no family to turn too i cant rest i cant sleep i cant find any hope or peace.

    I feel like i have burned all my bridges and now i have nowhere left to turn i have too keep stumbling forward knowing one day this is going to kill me because i cant handle it.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted you to know that you can PM me if you ever want to talk or just need a friend.
     
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    As you know by now, you can turn to us just as you have done! i have gone to many therapists before finding the right one (maybe about 20). I don't expect you would have the same experience, so you should still try, even if you have to write it down as you said.

    I don't know what bad experience you had, but if you explain it to them, maybe you'll get a different reacion. I'm available if you want to send me a private message. Stay with us awhile and see how it works out. Do not despair if your thread fall down the list. Things move quickle here, that'w why I said you can send me a pm anytime. We're here for you.
     
  4. Thanks guys for your kind words and offers i just cant bring myself to approach people in real life and online i have withdrawn so far into myself now i dont want to get hurt. i might take you up on your offer and pm you maybe.

    I just feel useless and i am fed up of hurting, its like i had one bad thing happen to me (dont want to go into detail), and then something else happended and now i feel like i cant do with any of it.

    I just cant motivate myself to go to the doctors i know i need to and it terrifes me in one way how i am willing to let myself just slip away and abuse my own body because i feel i deserve it and i know no better.

    I just want to find a place where i can feel safe and have a rest from hurting for just 5 mins:sad:
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know reaching out is hard. But you've made a start just by talking here. That's progress and a step in the right direction. Approaching people isn't easy.

    The offer to talk and listen will always be there.
     
  6. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    If you want, you can talk to me about it? I'm going through the same thing so I can relate to everything you said in your first post. Especially the bit about feeling like a 'ghost' and not having the strength to do anything about it. And hey, I know exactly how you feel, I too have had 'false hope' and had it dashed so many times it's not even funny.

    Like I said, I'm here if you wanna talk. Not sure exactly what I can do to make things better, but figured it might at least help talking to someone who's been there.

    Take care.
     
  7. canis-lupis

    canis-lupis Well-Known Member

    will ignore if you want but would just like to reach out a hand to say there is a shoulder and ear here if you need to just rant away. The guys ( and girls ) here have helped me just by listening & we all like to return the favour to those in times of need so please do feel free to pm me if it will help.

    :pm:

    :hugtackles:
     
  8. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I just wanted to add an update to this, i finallytext a friend just asking if they would come with me to the doctors i didnt say why but they agreed i felt so much better becuase thats what i needed, i nearly backed out sunday because i got scared but they said they would still take me.

    It got to today and they forgot i didnt dare mention it i didnt have the guts and now i dont know what to do, i cant bring myself to ask i feel so weak,i struggled like hell through work and i cant hide very well how broken i feel.

    I feel permantly sick and i dont think i have the strength to ask again, but i am at the point i really cant contiune i cant eat i cut to much to try and relieve the pain. i just cant see any options at the moment.

    I dont think i have the energy to explain how i feel to anyone even a doctor, have i given up-i really am beggining to think so
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I don't think you've given up. I know it's frustrating, and sometimes you get to that point where you don't feel like you can keep going. But you can. You found the strength to post here, and that's a start.

    Can you text your friend to ask them again? Sometimes it's easier to approach certain things through writing instead of actually talking. And maybe when you do see a doctor, you can write out how you feel, so that if you don't have the strength to explain it again, you can at least show him.

    *hugs* Don't give up. You aren't in this alone.
     
  10. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    just to add i have a friend pick me up now i dunno what i am going to say but i hate feeling like this i just hope i can get myself fixed, i feel like this is my last chance
     
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It's not your last chance. but I'm glad you're taking the steps to get better. Good luck, I hope it goes okay!