It feels like a good time to give up. I don't need any more evidence that I'm useless. Every time I start to think things might be ok it seems like fate conspires to shit on me from a great hieght. I can't take it anymore, just once I'd like something good to happen. I can't even be bothered to explain how I'm feeling or what's going on. I'm not ok. I'm so far from ok I don't even remember what ok feels like. Just once I wish someone would notice me and I wouldn't feel like I'm on display and always have to give a perfect performance. I wish I could feel secure even just for a second.