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ignore this

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Malcontent, Dec 11, 2008.

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  1. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    It feels like a good time to give up. I don't need any more evidence that I'm useless. Every time I start to think things might be ok it seems like fate conspires to shit on me from a great hieght. I can't take it anymore, just once I'd like something good to happen. I can't even be bothered to explain how I'm feeling or what's going on.

    I'm not ok. I'm so far from ok I don't even remember what ok feels like. Just once I wish someone would notice me and I wouldn't feel like I'm on display and always have to give a perfect performance. I wish I could feel secure even just for a second.
  2. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    aww hun, im sorry you feel this way, and im sorry i couldnt ignore your plea for help. im here if you want to talk, but i guess right now all i can offer is hugs.. i hope things get better for you i really do, you deserve more :hug: xx
  3. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi Mal
    (sorry I wasn't able to ignore )
    I guess I add some hugs too, I must say I was glad to see you are still around here, I really would notice if you weren't. Thing is, yeah, as well as we look out for eachother in here, things are very different in "real" life....I guess out there we're mostly just one of the gazillion inhabitants of the earth, and nice things don't seem to be distributed in equal portions or at least reasonable portions amoung everybody.
    I don't know if this nonsense is of any help to you, but I hope you know you are noticed in here, and if i could bring that to the "real world", people would know what they have been missing before they met you.
    Tight hugs
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    You certainly are noticed here, Mal :hug:

    As ever - I'm always here if you need an ear :)
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Malcontent,

    There's never a good time to give up. Things can always get better. You are certainly noticed here. I'm here if you need to talk :hug: I hope you feel better soon :hug:
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    A lot of people,myself included, care about you here. I really hope you feel better soon. Pm me if you need to talk some more. :hug:
  7. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Thank you for the replies. I guess I don't want this to be ignored, but at the same time I do cos I don't want to be seen. I just want to hide myself away and be safe. Something I don't understand is how people who don't know me can care about me? I let down anyone I open up to and they leave, and now I can barely speak to anyone (irl and online) because I'm too scared to. The effort it takes to just have a conversation is exhausting, I shake, start sweating and my body literally hurts with anxiety. There's not one person in the world who I'm not scared off. Sometimes I'm too frightened just to say hi to someone in case it's taken as an insult or something. I'm constantly terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing, I can't take the pressure of always being perfect in social situations anymore. I don't know what's causing this but I'm exhausted from being afraid and on edge 24/7 and don't think I can keep going for much longer alone. I'm constantly vigilant for the time when I'll have to run or fight and it's too much.
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