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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Mar 1, 2010.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Tried benadryl again last night and it didn't even help me go to sleep this time

    i just lay there unmoving for a few hours - the only thing that fell asleep were my hands

    think i finally drifted in and out but i was awake every hour

    can't turn my head too quickly without getting dizzy

    i should be on the train now but there's no way i could get through a day at work

    wish i had my pills but all that i have left are in my desk at work - that's funny

    i feel exhausted, jittery, lonely, trapped, scared, useless, worthless - even the cats don't want to come near me anymore

    i just want to dry up and blow away
  2. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    Yeah it can be a bitch when even the cats are ignoring you. I have trouble sleeping all the time too. I feel lost all the time too. Have lots of medical problems, my parents, have started to hate me being around. So I go from total lonelyness and sickness to complete hatered for my only companionship.
  3. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    good luck my friend
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just sending you caring thoughts in the hope you will continue to post about how you are doing...big hugs, J
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2010
  5. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just sending a :hug:

    Benadryl doesn't help me sleep either. I don't know why, but it never has.
  7. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    hey Echo

    I am glad you made it through the weekend. **hugs** for you. I was concerned.

    some of what you are feeling might be helped by a bit of sleep. I know after several days, if i manage even 3 -4 solid hours of sleep, i feel so much different, at least the first few hours after i wake up. It's almost like hitting a temporary reset button.

    Could your doc give you a limited supply of sleeping meds, or have your wife hold them? Then on weekends take them, or even on days like today? It's better than no sleep at all.

    I know for me, part of the not being able to sleep, is that i am doing nothing, so i am not tired. I'm wiped out emotionally and often emotionally exhausted, but it doesn't seem to put me out. Avoiding caffeine might help, but then look who's talking. I'll be awake all night, ever hopeful for sleep, finally i give up in the morning and hit the coffee. That's what i am doing now. Wish i knew other tips for you, i'd be using them too.

    Sometimes i am just too afraid to sleep, like last night. i was very tired, but the fear snowballed out of control. Lack of sleep can cause the dizzy jittery. Don't panic if you experience some odd visual or auditory happenings. If it freaks you out, come here and talk to us. Sometimes things like that happen, but you will be ok.

    So you will be home today? Can you just rest? Kick-back a bit, do nothing, ask family not to put pressure on you or ask anything of you.

    Look, i assure you, that you are not useless or worthless. I promise you.

    Hey, when you are feeling lonely, try to remind yourself that we are all here for you. It may not be the same as having people in person, but i personally, don't know what i would do without all of you (difficult for me to admit that as i am not a people person). I don't like what you are going through, and wish you felt better, but i feel less alone with my feelings and experiences, knowing we share some that are similar...if that makes any sense. i'm not articulate especially on no sleep.

    **hugs** can you talk about the fears and the feeling of being trapped? i know you have before, but sometimes it helps to work through those things time and again, especially when there are people around to provide you support. **hugs**

    We are here with you and you are actually doing a great job there echo. honest. **hugs** i know you may not think so, but i think you've been working hard.

    oh, and the pills are not there, so maybe today you can try not to think about them too much, and don't think about the other ones either. If you start focusing on methods or things like that, come talk to us, let us help get you refocused. Just stay with today...not yesterday, not tomorrow, just this day. Be sure to sip water, and try to get some food in you.

    more **hugs** oh, if you run out of hugs, just let us know.
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    calling the doctor now for an appointment

    had to wait for my wife to wake up because it is not safe for me to drive right now
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :arms: I know calling the doctor isn't easy for you, but I'm glad you're finding the strength to make that call. Keep talking here, keep posting. I care, and lots of others do too. We want to know how you're doing and what you're feeling.
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Sorry to hear your delima..I too have trouble sleeping..My doctor finally put me on trazadone to help sleep..I take one at bedtime and it helps me fall asleep.. Then I wake up in the middle of the night..My therapist told me not to try and force sleep because it just frustrtaes you.. So when I wake up in the middle of the night I take another trazadone..I log on here for about an hour and then go back to bed..Talk to your doctor about putting you on trazadone..It's also an antidepressant..
  11. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    only my GP - HIM i can call
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Did you get an appointment with your GP? and how did it go? big hugs, J
  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I hope you were able to get an appointment.
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    doctor wrote me a prescription for lunesta because he said it's not addictive

    pharmacist gave me a card so that i got it for free

    first thing my wife did was count the pills and give me a look - which pissed me off
  15. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    it sounds to me like your wife does not realy know how to handle with your situation which doesnt make it easy for you but she is trying to prevent you from doing something stupid
  16. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    My parents have to hide my medication too. They are concerned that I will overdose.
  17. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i understand why she did it

    i'm more angry at myself that she's probably right
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I hope the new meds help you to get some more sleep!
  19. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    good for you for taking care of yourself and asking for the sleep meds, hopefully you will find some rest this way and feel better.

    And, I refuse to ignore your post! Tough luck on that one.
  20. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    Best of luck WastingEcho. I can relate, insomnia is a bitch to deal with! :dry:
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