I'l like in a dead end.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by elost, Sep 4, 2014.

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  1. elost

    elost New Member

    My problem started almost 5 years ago this month. I took a herb I though would cure but instead it did more to erase. <mod edit - methods> and it gave me something like brain damage or neurotoxicity (totally didn't know it could do that). I developed come strange skin issue that felt like burning but no matter what I told the doctors they couldn't help me. Luckily I've been able to find come level of a cure for the skin issue. I also felt like I had suffered from PTSD but had no traumatic experience to explain the feeling. I was very apathetic but I've been feeling more emotions but it's been so hard to find how to feel again. I used to be a gifted photographer and creative person but I pretty much lost my drive in that. I've tried so many things to lift my spirits and some seem to work for a day or two and then I relapse.

    Yet I have had some success and I'm not as damaged as I was 5yrs ago but I still have problems because I'm isolated where I live. I live near a military base and life is just so dull. No real creative things to be involved with and no one who seems to care about better things in life. I also live with my folks in a retirement community and it too is very dull as well. Most residents remain in their homes but do venture out to the given monthly routine activities and pretty much I feel like an outsider even though I've been there for just over 3 years. I also think my mom is suffering from possible drug induced OCD from meds she takes for medical problems. She's become more and more authoritarian, abusive, apathetic, belittling and a neat freak to me an my father. Parents don't seem to give any help with my suffering and are apathetic regards to it.

    I've also tried to get a job but am so sick of ether getting rejections or not even getting any answers anymore. In the past I used to be able to find a ok job and suffer with it but I can't even do that now. Well truth with work is I really would like to update my chances of getting a better paying ok job but I lack the motivation to keep on working on it + I also suffer from a birth defect that many of the symptoms are depression, learning difficulty, emotions and anxiety to name a few.

    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2014
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Welcome the forum, life can be hard but you are alive. Do not be hard on yourself as you just need to find love and care from friends. Are there not any support groups or clubs you can join hereby. You are important and need to stop taking this so-called herb. It will not help you but cause more emotional upheaval. You have joined a wonderful forum which help you through your tough time. Please keep posting for support.
  3. Welcome too.. I'm sorry to hear about your mom.. and it can be difficult, to say the least, sometimes.. to get any real moral support from parents... the way you've interacted for your whole lives, and I suspect the things the drugs may be doing to your mom.. maybe there is still some way you can get through to her - if you ever used to get along better. Good luck.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi elost. Sounds like you are in a really tough place right now. Have you spoken to your mom regarding the changes in her personality? Maybe read the leaflets that come with her medications and see what the side effects are, that might explain her behaviour. I hope it gets better and maybe talking to her about it might help.
    Are you seeing a doctor for your issues? I think you should, it could greatly improve the quality of your life.
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