I'll be alone for a while

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by mynameisbrian, Apr 9, 2013.

  1. mynameisbrian

    mynameisbrian Active Member

    I can't think. I can barely speak. I just want to spare the world from myself.

    I can't do it anymore or try. I'll have to stay alone.

    How can I be there for someone else? I can't. Not like this. Even if I do, it won't be fully. It's not fair to the other person. I'm so selfish and absorbed in myself.

    I can barely tolerate myself, how can I expect someone else to?

    You have to give in order to receive, and I only have so much to give right now.

    I'm exhausted being this person. I want to be fun-loving, comforting, always warm, always quick with a joke and a smile, always there for the people who deserve it. I can't even pretend to be that person. Not right now.

    I want to hide myself from the world while at the same time wanting and needing to be apart of it. It's torture.

    I can't write how I want to (every word here I had to force out and I hate them all), I can't think, I'm not who I want to be. I'm no fun anymore. So uptight. Not interesting. Boring. How can I be and do interesting things with my life when my life I'm so overwhelmed with these thoughts and feelings? I don't have room for much else - at least not for very long.

    I'm not that good of a person. I just want to be a good person.

    All I do with my life is sit in my room. If I were to die, no one would have much to say about who I was or what I did. I'd only be missed so much.

    I've got nothing to give to anyone, so I deservedly continue and will carry on being how I've always been - alone.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 9, 2013
  2. mynameisbrian

    mynameisbrian Active Member

    I'm sorry for the rant and the negativity - I don't like being that way or saying those things. Things got on top of me today....sometimes it's hard to see things in a better way when you're frustrated with yourself and your life.

    It's not that bad. I'm not so bad. Thanks for reading.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know you're being heard.