I find my lasting days here are at a loss...no meaning to life, no one to live for, for ive lost who I survived for, gave my happiness to, my foundation through my childhood, my second family, who brought me up like their own. With a few mistakes in the happening. My mother figure, she was the most wise person im ever to meet, ask her anything, she'd know...and I could sit infront of her for hours listening to her knowledge...even as I grew into a teenager going off the rails I would still sit silent and listen to all she had to say. I didnt know life without her, for she was always in it, involved before I was even concieved. I bonded with her more than my own mother. I cannot remember a bad time with her...she was just such a lovely person, a great person, and I cant imagine the next 50 years without her...I cant. Her sons, who were my best friends, yet a few years younger, hitting their teens, where like my little brothers. They'd come to me in crisis, and always have little cuddles, and I love them with all my heart ~ all of it. Their father was like my father figure. I had known him all my life, too. I dont have a brilliant relationship with my own father, for he is an alcoholic and currently very ill. I depended on my father figure to look after my needs... But then everything went wrong. He started to sexually abuse me. Their house wasnt so safe anymore. My whole world was bombed from that moment. It lasted a few years, and then I told my mother. Nothing was done about it, brushed under the carpet, so I carried on...I thought id gotten over it and I was still close to my abuser. I loved him despite what he had done. I thought I led him on. I must of. Last year....my whole world just fell apart, and the worst thing I have done is tell a friend. My family ended up knowing. Police reports were made. I will never forget "her" laughing at me on the phone, defending her husband..liar..mistaken...get out of our lifes...I hate you/// Ive lost everything...absolutely everything. I cannot see the reason to live, their is none.