I'll be in touch

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Mar 28, 2012.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Do you know how many people said that to me? Its a week since the funeral. Those "friends" or "aquaintances" or whatever the hell they are/were irl have disappeared.... pooooof, just like that.

    All those people who said they'd been in touch, give a call, drop by.... nada, zilch. Its okay I suppose but please don't tell me something when I'm at my most vulnerable and then not follow through.

    Do you know how much this hurts? Do they have any idea how alone I feel? My rock, my protector is gone.

    Don't tell me something to get my hopes up if you don't plan on following through on it. Please. For anyone. If you don't plan on being in touch, then don't be, just don't tell me the opposite of your intentions.

  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I wish it were not going this way for you. :hug: In my own experience, people said they'd stay in touch and stay connected (and they meant it), but then they didn't follow through because they didn't know what more to say, didn't know if they were intruding, didn't want me to hurt more because they reminded me of my loss.

    Of course, that doesn't make your sad and hurt feelings go away, it just offers an explanation for what is happening. Perhaps they're waiting for you to reach out so they don't do or say something that inadvertently hurts or upsets you more. Hard as it seems, they might need you to make the first move, to ask for their support.

    Remember, you can always PM me...I know these are rough days for you. Stay safe, Mo. Please stay safe. :hug:
  3. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    It hard to know what to say, everything I can say feels so irrelevant, cliche, or both.
    I am sorry that I am not on much but we will chat soon I hope?
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry this is happening to you Mo and it seems to be the 'norm' after a loss..
    I know how much it hurts I really do.
    I actually told several of my 'so called' friends ''do not make promises you won't keep''

    I actually have a real ''thing'' about promises made with no intention of keeping them, even with my family ..because it hurts. ( and damn it's annoying)

    I know people feel awkward and don't know what to say but a simple 'how are you' would be better than nothing right?
    they act like grief is contagious!

    I wonder if you've considered reading any books on grief and loss Mo? they helped me understand that we are not alone in how people treat us.
    ( a small consolation I know)
    You know some of us here understand your pain and frustration and grief and care about you..
    I wish I was closer so I could give you a ''real'' *hug*
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2012
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you Mo sorry the people let you down hugs
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just really sorry people have hurt you and let you down. :hug:
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Coming from another source of loss, but fully understand how people can be so disappointing...making promises, detailing what they are going to do and then not seeing them...have had some of my very good friends IRL do this as well...so sorry this is happening to you, but do know we are here, and that Brooklyn is lovely this time of year...and so is the enormous Marley Man, waiting to see if his new auntie from PA finds her way to NY City..we are here, with big hugs, lots of chicken soup (so ethnic, I know) and a great place to get lost (yes, the buildings are really big but the people are not as mean as they are protrayed to be!)
  8. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I really want to kick something, punch something. I want to tell some particular people how their (in)actions have left me feeling. Today I am angry. Its an easier emotion than being truthful about how I feel. I have this burning in my stomach to do something, anything that involves destruction - either of self or of objects. Why should I care when others clearly don't? I wish she were here, I would give anything to feel her arms around me.

    I wish people would quit asking me what I'm going to do now. How the fuck do I know? Seriously. I know I need to figure things out but its too overwhelming to think about those types of things. I'm concerned right now about surviving. And thats on the days that I want to survive. Other days, like today, meh - who gives a rats.
  9. MisterBGone


    Do you think that you could do something physical to relieve some of the emotion? Go to the gym? Run? Punch a pillow? I know that one thing I did to help alleviate my anguish over somebody I'd fallen out of favor with was to write a letter to that person. Speaking directly about all of my issues with them. But not actually sending it to them. I found it helpful to write it out longhand, too!
  10. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    To a lot of people "I'll be in touch" is just a polite phrase, something to say. To us, here, it's a promise that gives us a tiny bit of hope. It's cruel and thoughtless how so many people don't give something like that a second thought. And it's so annoying when they ask what you are going to do now - it's like they are making conversation. I'm sorry you're going through this.
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    others might mean well but have no idea how you are feeling..
    their small talk can be irritating! (understatement)

    you're right , you are surviving minute by minute and looking 'ahead' is painful and tortuous
    my way of dealing with the anger was to walk, walk, walk and clean, garden, whatever, until I was exhausted..
    and talk, talk, talk to anyone who would listen, mostly my T
    even been known to have uncontrollable 'road rage' and 'trolley rage' but don't recommend it.

    I hope you find a way to dissipate your anger some Mo..
    It's ok to feel the anger as long as you don't internalize it where it can hurt you.
    wishing you some peace in your day :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 1, 2012