I'll just pretend I get to say this to You..

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by ScouseJM, Mar 8, 2008.

  1. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    My heart,

    I do not understand why this is happening, I dont understand why you choose to be alone. You have given me reasons but they're not enough for my heart to understand why you chose the easy way out. I miss you every day, in every second it's like someone comes and rips out my heart time and time again and I cannot defend myself.

    It isnt your words, but I could always see in your eyes how much you loved me, I could feel what you felt and I could think what you thought. Yet I do not understand all the lies that came between us and the flash backs that I get of them every day and night, they haunt me in every breath i take and every dream I dream.

    You know that I am the one for you, you know that in this world, there is no one better for you than me. Yet you have pushed me away and left me dying. Everyone says suicide is selfish and I agree in a way, can see why people say it. But isnt it selfish to leave someone behind empty and broken, and take with you all that they have been living and fighting for.

    Sometimes I realise that somewhere in me there is anger, yet I cannot be angry with you. It is like the world was pulled away from under my feet when you left and now I am drifting in space trying to keep a connection with you but its not enough. I love you so so so incredibly much, I just wanna say it all the time. I woul give anything if I could take the children into my arms again, I would sacrifice anything, and I mean anything, if I could have you back.

    When you were still mine, I felt on top of the world. I felt that every star was within my reach and I could do anything. I felt beautiful and I had no fears. Only the one that sometimes came through, the fear that I couldnt possibly be so lucky and that I could lose you. The fear was always there but now that I have really lost you, I guess I must admit I never thought it was seriously possible. We had started a life together baby, so how can there be a lifetime ahead of me without you?

    I miss your arms around me, i can still feel them. I am panicking with every day that passes by. The night you left, I didnt want it to turn into a day, the next day I didnt want it to turn into dayS, then I didnt want it to turn into weeks but now its been months. Every day I wanna ask you when will you come back and then my heart sinks deeper once again remembering that you wont.

    In this world of violence and war, of terminal illnesses and tragic events...where none of us know how much time we have on earth, how can anyone make the choice of pushing a loved one away when together, you could have it all. I am hurting so much. You keep promising that I will be ok but didnt you promise you would never ever leave me come what may..

    Babe my world fell apart when you left , I cannot breathe without you. I keep seeking help but I know the only one who can possibly mend me is you. So im sayin here now what I will never be able to say to you in real life... I love you so much, PLEASE COME BACK TO ME! X
  2. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    *huggles* My pm box is always open hunny.

  3. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Aww babe. Mine, too. :hug:
  4. Sigur Rós

    Sigur Rós Member

    I can connect with what you're saying so, so much.

    Really hope it helped you to get it off your chest.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm sorry that he left you Scouse. I can see that you really loved him. Did he ever say what was the reason for him taking the kids and leaving you?
  6. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Im here to talk anytime hun
  7. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Scouse, you can slap me for saying this--but you'll get over it and the pain.

    Losing a loved one to rejection can be worse than losing them to death. I dare say losing a loved one in this way is more traumatizing, for it is like an assault on the soul.

    Psychologically we know that all losses must be mourned. It is a process, an extremely necessary process which leads to being able to move (healing).

    "Even" the death of a family pet can be tremendously painful.

    Scouse, I've been there... in both scenarios (with relationships, countless times). Today I count myself as a survivor to so many assaults - but none more achingly painful than a love betrayed.

    Share all that need to with us for whatever it's worth. Cry out loud when the opportunity presents. But know that it will pass.

  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry he left you scouse. Endings of relationships are painful and as devestating as a death. Sometimes more so because instead of closure, you may be faced with seeing that person and feeling rejection every time. Give yourself time to grieve the loss. The pain may not ever go away, but it will get to the place that it is a distant memory instead of constantly slapping you in the face.