I don't know how I fell asleep last night, I think the combination of Seinfeld plus popcorns made me feel better and put a halt on thinking about that girl. I thought she liked me but now I suspect she likes somebody else, we're going for pizza tonight, if she declines to my invitation because "something else" came up, I'll tell her to eat shit and slowly die in a fire with all her family (well maybe not all of that, but I'll said with the same intensity). Why the fuck would you say "I like you, something in you attracts me" if you don't mean it? I know I'm an asshole towards her but that's my way of playing with her (besides, everyone in this country makes fun of one another, except of the president because that's one way to end up without a job or dead in an "accident"). I woke up early today and my dad told me to help him clean some stuff. Even though I was feeling down I agreed and help him anyway, as much as I swallowed my feelings I didn't do a great job at hiding them. My mom noticed but she's just sick of seeing me like that, so she just takes it personal and gets mad at me. She doesn't yell, she just quietly leaves me alone. Dad can't even tell when I'm sad or happy, let alone the array of emotions I can display when deppresed so we just clean the stuff for a while until he fucks up. I was minding my bussiness when he suddenly shouts "LOOK OUT, A COCKROACH". I have katsaridaphobia, which I guess is fear of cockroaches, and as he says that I jump and direct my eyes to the floor and find... well, nothing. He burst out laughing telling me to get a grip. The whole situation was funny for him, so I do something even more funnier: leave. I lay on the couch stressed, trembling, deppresed and I begin to think of ways to off-myself and then I start seeing visions. Visions of my dad from the near future, telling me to get my ass back at helping him and yelling me to stop being a ******. And guess what? it turns out I'm a fucking Nostradamus since that's exactly what happened moments later. So now I'm on my desktop, trying to collect my thoughts again since I really need to get a fucking grip since I have a rehearsal at 3:00 pm and my character is all charismatic and cheerful, which is the opposite of who I am and what I'm feeling right now. I got into facebook just now, since I left without saying goodbye to that girl, my last message was a "You see? this is why I'm not a nice person" after waiting for 10 minutes for a reply on how was she feeling. I know I'm not the only guy in her life, but I can't believe we went from having really long conversations to just a few quick chit-chats now and then. And yesterday I was just expecting a normal reply from her, as I expect replies from any buddy of mine, but what she did was just rude. She's online now, and she didn't even had the decency to say "oh I'm sorry about last night". I don't like to use the word "friend", so when I tell someone that he/she is my friend, I fucking mean it. She uses the word "friend" almost like a verb, I'm not really her friend. I'm her noneone, and I know it and I will find out today since I planning to end this bullshit and get on again with my monotomous, lonely life.