I'll NEVER be able to open up to anyone!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by InnerStrength, Jul 3, 2007.

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  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    This is what's eating me up inside. Knowing that I'll never be able to open up and have a close relationship with anyone. I'll live alone, and die alone. That's my nature. I can't overcome this crushing despair. Paranoia runs rampant in my mind to the point where I can barely function. The only thing I experience is negative emotions. Mistrust is my enemy.

    They say suffering makes you stronger. Well, in my case it leads to mental corruption. The torment I experience continually has washed away most of my personality. I sleep, I hunger. That's it. I HATE my life and HATE that I am too cowardly to end it.

    I can't believe in God when my existence seems so...pointless. Even counter-productive. I don't know how much longer I can take this with without making some sort of...attempt.
  2. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    please take a moment to view the movie so many roads in the soap box forum here ..
  3. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    arrrghhh! I just can't deal with this sh*t anymore!
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Are you ok IS?I know it's tough what's hurting the most for you?
  5. LtRoarke

    LtRoarke Guest

    Keep writing down your feelings for us. You're doing a great job of expressing your emotions. It's not easy to open up to anyone-even family or friends. I can't know how you feel inside, but I do empathize with you; I've lost a lot of friends and failed a lot of relationships because I have a hard time openly expressing my feelings. Just keep writing, I know it's tough.
  6. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Frankly, no I'm not okay. And bascically what is bothering me is what was in my initial post--to a vague extent, at least. I think the shittiest part of all of this is that I probably deserve to feel this way.

    Lately, I've come to the conclusion that suicide IS the answer for me. It doesn't frighten me anymore. The prospect of failing does.
  7. scilentXkatie

    scilentXkatie New Member

    Suicide is not the answer. I've tried to commit suicide 3 times, I have the same problem you do. I wont open up to people, and if I do, I'll push them away as soon as I can, Even if I dont mean to.

    Please do not kill your self, You're way to good for that. Take every day as it comes and dont let people get to you.

    My friend matt told me: "Everytime someone pushes you down, get back up. The best way to get back at 'em is to make something of yourself. Show them how much better you are than them."

    Anyways... I hope I helped. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.

  8. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the words of support. Even if I don't necessarily agree with them (depressed ppl like myself are a bit hard to reason with, obviously).

    I honestly feel that suicide is the best answer for me at this point. I've gone too far down that road of solitude to bounce back into a healthy social lifestyle. Well, okay, I never had that to begin with. I guess that's what severe social anxiety will do to you.

    It's unfair, but some people just weren't meant to be.
  9. Sil

    Sil Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I feel also like I'm bound to live alone... everything seems futile and temporary... don't know if you feel the same, but it is hard KNOWING that you will be alone for life. None the less, I try to catch every hope, or I should say every dream, since nothing has happend...
  10. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Yeah I know how you feel Sil.

    And I appreciate the offers for help, but I don't want to...impose on others. I guess I have a hard time leaning on people when I need help.
  11. see

    see Well-Known Member

    I am there just like you hope I dont fail.See you on the other side
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 6, 2007
  12. see

    see Well-Known Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 6, 2007
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