I am having a rotten week so far. Horrible economy after they are cutting back my benefits... having to think I had to go back to prostitution just so I could eat... self harming because of that, considering suicide... still dealing with toothaches after weeks, going to the dentist who finished the job finally, without sedation (luckily the state are paying the dentist bill...) And yeah, my sick back and hips decided to play up... I could barely walk this morning. Every step hurt worse than being stabbed. And of course... the other day I logged into the dating chat where I met my current LDR boyfriend... (who I had helped through a bad day Thursday)... there was an offline message waiting for me... from my abusive 'ex'... the man who forced me into prostitution last time. About 6 months ago I made him block me and I blocked him... he kept contacting me and trying to get me to fall into his trap... and sometimes I did. I hate myself for that... I made him understand that him talking to me put my relationship with my boyfriend at risk (even if he kept threatening me to shut up... I've been raised and trained to confess though; so tough luck. Plus, my boyfriend deserves the truth). And I played more sick in the head than what I am and told him that I'd die if I lost my boyfriend... so well, he promised to stay away from me... and focus on his other 'pets' and his wife. *gags*. The message was just an innocent 'happy new years hope you're doing well' thing... And at first it felt awesome to be able to answer with "I have never been better!"... but... the fact that he just can't leave me alone is getting to me. I am so scared one day I'll be vulnerable and he'll find me... my boyfriend has the same fears. I don't ever want that to happen. I don't want to be that girl.