i've been cutting for two years now. i dont know how many scars i have exactly, but it would be over 200. my left arm is covered up to the elbow with them. i've given up hiding them, its hard to always wear a jumper when the days are above 30C at school. but i always try to hide them by folding my arms. the longest ive gone without doing it is 2 months. thats happened twice. the question is, why do i always keep turning back to it. í'm seeing a great therapist who knows everything bout me, and that i self harmed, but shes never talked to me about it. i dont wanna bring it up coz it makes me feel ashamed. makes me feel hopeless. why am i addicted to something so awful and stupid, why cant i stop. the top of my right thigh is beginning to fill with white scars. will the urges ever go away? will i ever find something else? i dont want to do it but i cant stop. it feels so good and i get a relief out of it. now i just wanna turn to alcohol and cigarettes too to numb the anger and pain. how can i stop for good?