ill never stop

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lilella44, Feb 25, 2008.

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  1. lilella44

    lilella44 Well-Known Member

    i've been cutting for two years now. i dont know how many scars i have exactly, but it would be over 200. my left arm is covered up to the elbow with them. i've given up hiding them, its hard to always wear a jumper when the days are above 30C at school. but i always try to hide them by folding my arms.
    the longest ive gone without doing it is 2 months. thats happened twice. the question is, why do i always keep turning back to it. í'm seeing a great therapist who knows everything bout me, and that i self harmed, but shes never talked to me about it. i dont wanna bring it up coz it makes me feel ashamed. makes me feel hopeless. why am i addicted to something so awful and stupid, why cant i stop.
    the top of my right thigh is beginning to fill with white scars. will the urges ever go away? will i ever find something else? i dont want to do it but i cant stop. it feels so good and i get a relief out of it.
    now i just wanna turn to alcohol and cigarettes too to numb the anger and pain. how can i stop for good?
  2. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    hi and welcome to the forum
    it is a difficult thing to stop but we can... i stopped for a long time... but i have my relapses...
    it is not uncommon as you can see from this forum... i think it has alot to do with wanting to look on the out side the way we feel on the inside... it also released endorfins which is the body's feel good chemical...

    finding something else is possible and it would be great to substitute it with something that is not harmful... like maybe art.. writing... exercise but dont get carried away with that cus that can also be harmful...

    i used to snap a rubber band on my arm it helped me stop the last time .. it takes a while but you can do it...

    talking with your therapist could be helpful... maybe you could ask her why she never brings it up in therapy...

    hugs and prayers and hope ..... for us all
  3. lilella44

    lilella44 Well-Known Member

  4. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    endrophines are released too by eating chocolat^^i guess is not something you just stop doing, it`s something that you learn to domain with time^^
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