I had resigned to the fact that I needed to take medication to have any sort of quality of life, for it to be possible for there to be days when I didn't beg for death. So when I forget to take a dose and I am reminded of the fact that I am a slave to this. That I need to be altered to be able to cope on the most basic level. And it takes every ounce of energy I have to live through a day in this fucking diseased head. I can't stand this shell I am in. I want to peel my skin off and remove each limb one by one, I want to cave in my skull and release the contents. I want the blood and life to run from my body and flow into the earth. I can't stand that i feel like I am never enough. I can't stand this paranoia and insecurity. I can't stand thinking that I will never really be loved. I can't stand that I have no direction, no purpose, no passion, no reason. I am just this useless piece of flesh floating through an excuse for a life. And I can't stand that i am so pathetic that if I just had someone to touch me right now, I'd probably feel like I could be ok.