I'll regret this.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Domo, Feb 9, 2011.

  1. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I had resigned to the fact that I needed to take medication to have any sort of quality of life, for it to be possible for there to be days when I didn't beg for death.

    So when I forget to take a dose and I am reminded of the fact that I am a slave to this. That I need to be altered to be able to cope on the most basic level.

    And it takes every ounce of energy I have to live through a day in this fucking diseased head.

    I can't stand this shell I am in. I want to peel my skin off and remove each limb one by one, I want to cave in my skull and release the contents. I want the blood and life to run from my body and flow into the earth.

    I can't stand that i feel like I am never enough.

    I can't stand this paranoia and insecurity.

    I can't stand thinking that I will never really be loved.

    I can't stand that I have no direction, no purpose, no passion, no reason. I am just this useless piece of flesh floating through an excuse for a life.

    And I can't stand that i am so pathetic that if I just had someone to touch me right now, I'd probably feel like I could be ok.
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Ditto too!!
  4. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    Ditto three :/ I know how you feel..
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Well, not to spoil the ditto dying party, but it strikes me that its impossible.

    I mean, you say you want to remove each limb one by one. So starting off its easy, just get a saw and saw off one leg, then the other. Given your so determined to die sometimes, lets say you manage this and are sitting there with two legs removed.

    But what then? You remove one arm and then, dammit, you forgot that you cannot remove the last arm as you've only got one. Plus, you've lost pints of blood and so on from peeling your skin off. A feat that strikes me as not likely. Ever peeled a bit of skin off a toe or something after you get a blister?

    OK then lets play this out and lets say you got all clever with your three limbs gone and the skin peeled off. Lets say you stopped for a cup of tea and a smoke - then came up with the plan of borrowing a neighbours electric saw. You jam the saw somewhere and bingo! - off comes the last arm.

    But here is the downside of the plan - now you want to bash your skull in also. I mean, to leave this unfinished would be a REAL downer. To fail now! So bashing the skull in after the excruciating skin removal and the limb detachment ordeal. this would present a problem.

    Unless, you maybe done it on a roof and for the grand finale, you land on your skull by maybe sliding down some prefabricated slide that you've already tested so you land on your skull.

    Hope you don't mind some humour. I feel your pain out there - and its good to vent it.

    I can't offer some instant cure to the ailments touched upon here, but if you need medicine and you feel like sh** without it - your no more a slave to it than your a slave to water or vitamin C or fresh air, sleep and vitamin D from sunlight or daylight.

    As for never getting better - given you KNOW how the future is going to turn out I'm wondering if your powers extend to seeing what numbers I need to win the lottery. I'll still be a miserable pri** if I win - but a miserable pri** with a sea view.

    As for never being loved, you'll never get a tan if you sit in the shade either. Now that we are coming up to maybe a few weeks of summer in the UK, aim to be getting out and about somewhere. The lighter days make for a lighter heart.

    OK then I'm off to peel my skin off and saw my limbs and so on.

    But I'd better brush my teeth first.