I'm 13 years young, please read.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by m-orge, Jan 9, 2012.

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  1. m-orge

    m-orge New Member

    Hello, I'm a 13 year old boy.
    I hate when I am around people, it makes my social anxiety go up the roof. I don't want to live my life, go to school, work, eat, and socialize. Lately I've been thinking about killing myself, but the thing that is stopping me is what might my parents may think if they find out that I attempted suicide either by getting a phone call or having somebody come to talk to them. I've been starting to go to counseling which has made my life a fucking nightmare than it already is, I want to have help but at the same time I don't. When I see people in the hallway of school I often think that they should go burn in hell & deserve to die because they're better looking than me. I think I'm hideous while others might disagree, and say I look like a normal 13 year old boy! Wrong. I have to shave everyday because it would be awkward going to school with facial hair on your neck and sideburns etc at the age of 13! Nobody else in my grade shaves except maybe 3 people that are advanced in puberty (but I'm more ahead) than the others. I have to shave my neck and my sideburns and my chin and above my mouth every single day because a stubble begins to form, which annoys the living shit out of me since nobody else in my damn grade has this fucking problem! I'm socially awkward and I don't know what to say to people, I really don't have any emotion. I don't like my parents that much but I don't want to tell them that since it would break their hearts. I'm tired of waking up every single day doing these things over and over and having these problems over and over. I'm severely depressed and I barely laugh at anything unless I'm with my friends, I think I may be bipolar. ( Some of this might be a little confusing to understand since I'm 13 but try to bare with me. My spelling is above a 12th graders. ) I always am sad one moment then really happy the next. It depresses me more to know that I'm never truly happy in my life. Like tonight my parents were told that I smoked before, and they were totally against it. I don't see why though. It made me feel maybe 90% better for the time being since I smoked for like maybe 9 hours after school. It made me furious that they wouldn't consider letting me smoke since it made me happy. My father gave me shit like "you shouldn't need substances to make you happy." I'm like, dad shut the hell up you don't even know what I'm going through since you've never been in the same situations that I've been with suicidal thoughts and actions. I feel as if I should be in a mental hospital since when I see a tree I think of hanging myself, or when I see a building I think of falling off the building. I think of killing people in my mind but I actually wouldn't do it.
    I don't really know where I'm going with this but I feel as if I just wanted to vent. Hopefully some of you will be kind enough to reply & leave some suggestions?
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I'm 16, and I had puberty early aswell. It bloody sucks, and if you have the right ingredients, shit can just get worse.

    Are you on any anti-depressants atm? I am, but I stopped taking them ages ago since they stopped working and my psych pissed me off.

    I also smoke(I'm assuming you mean tobacco, not pot?). But I'm more of a seasonal smoker, I tend to do it more often in the winter, although I hate summer anyways so it's just a shit time of year.

    What's counselling like? Mine is fucking annoying. They've changed my therapist like 4 times....so I don't really bother anymore.
  3. onthewayup

    onthewayup Account Closed

    to nolonger, just a friendly suggestion... go back on you meds or talk to a counsellor and get some different ones. Different ones work in different ways.

    I too had severe depression and anxiety when i was youngerl and went off meds.

    i went to see another counsellor and was medicated with somethng different and now I am no longer depressed or anxious and have been off meds for several years.

    Life is great for me now but it did take time. I needed to help myself too as I was not a talker, had issues with my looks and had sexuality worries as I am gay. The best thing I did was to come out, it took a huge weight off my shoulders.

    I thought telling my family would be a big deal... as it turns out they already knew!

    But every one needs to talk to someone, even when they aren't depressd, so I would recommend to anyone going through this that they seek help and be open and you can get through this, it will take time but it is worth it.

    good luck guys
  4. Gallegos

    Gallegos New Member

    hello, m-orge! i joined this forum because someone i know was trying to commit suicide and failed. and i wanna help this person.
    about your situation: you are in the very beginning of your life! Your wonderful youth just begins, i know you don't think about it now, but i think you should. We realize how wonderful our young years are when they pass. this all is waiting for you: the great love, adventure, traveling. TRUST me. cheer up
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