Here is my story in a nutshell:
From age 6 I was physically abused by my stepfather. Beaten, thrown down stairs, yelled at, demeaned, everything. My mom was never around, she was an alcoholic. She would always come home and kiss me good night and slur, "I love you." My LEGAL (birth certificate) father is an alcoholic and hasn't been in my life ever because he's been busy trucking and drinking. My biological father is unknown to me. Never met him, might never meet him. I was a mistake.
I've attempted suicide now 3 times, each time a failure. I've been questioning my sexuality since I was 13, always finding guys a bit attractive. I've been overweight since I was 12 and I've been alone with no friends until I was 17. I would stare at the walls for hours everyday just wondering why all this was happening to me. Why I wasn't normal, average. Why I had problems in school, and meeting friends. Why I couldn't find a good girlfriend, or a boyfriend. I cared so much what everyone thought of me....too much.
I told myself I didn't deserve to exist because my step-dad would tell me so. I've been cursed with this severe depression for years and years. I told myself I would never make...I told myself I would never see the day I turn 18.
Now I'm 18.
I understand everything I've been through makes me exactly who I am today. Fuck yeah I'm bisexual, so what? I like it. Who cares about gender? Finding someone you're happy with is mostly the battle of life. I don't care if they have a weiner or if they have a va-j-j...(xD)
Oh my. I just haven't ever felt this happy ever. I feel accomplished. Like I deserve this life. That it's all uphill from here. I'll feel lows, I'll feel highs, but I'll never again think about taking my own life. I'm so done with that and I'm so glad I went through that because I am the person I am today and I couldn't be happier with who I am.
There is so much more to life then what people make things out to be. So here is my message to anyone feeling hopeless, or anyone feeling like they don't deserve to live:
Work at it. Time is on our sides. Take a stand for what you want and don't accept any less. If it hurts, it hurts. Pain is part of life, and if you can feel you are still alive.
I'm not saying what I am telling you is going to make you cured or better, but I've held on by my fingernails to my life for the past 2 years. Point is, I held on. You will one day realize that all this shit you are going through is something defeatable, just like all evil. Keep fighting and when you finally win the battle you will be among a group of the best people in this world: those who survive one of the darkest and scariest diseases of all time.
From age 6 I was physically abused by my stepfather. Beaten, thrown down stairs, yelled at, demeaned, everything. My mom was never around, she was an alcoholic. She would always come home and kiss me good night and slur, "I love you." My LEGAL (birth certificate) father is an alcoholic and hasn't been in my life ever because he's been busy trucking and drinking. My biological father is unknown to me. Never met him, might never meet him. I was a mistake.
I've attempted suicide now 3 times, each time a failure. I've been questioning my sexuality since I was 13, always finding guys a bit attractive. I've been overweight since I was 12 and I've been alone with no friends until I was 17. I would stare at the walls for hours everyday just wondering why all this was happening to me. Why I wasn't normal, average. Why I had problems in school, and meeting friends. Why I couldn't find a good girlfriend, or a boyfriend. I cared so much what everyone thought of me....too much.
I told myself I didn't deserve to exist because my step-dad would tell me so. I've been cursed with this severe depression for years and years. I told myself I would never make...I told myself I would never see the day I turn 18.
Now I'm 18.
I understand everything I've been through makes me exactly who I am today. Fuck yeah I'm bisexual, so what? I like it. Who cares about gender? Finding someone you're happy with is mostly the battle of life. I don't care if they have a weiner or if they have a va-j-j...(xD)
Oh my. I just haven't ever felt this happy ever. I feel accomplished. Like I deserve this life. That it's all uphill from here. I'll feel lows, I'll feel highs, but I'll never again think about taking my own life. I'm so done with that and I'm so glad I went through that because I am the person I am today and I couldn't be happier with who I am.
There is so much more to life then what people make things out to be. So here is my message to anyone feeling hopeless, or anyone feeling like they don't deserve to live:
Work at it. Time is on our sides. Take a stand for what you want and don't accept any less. If it hurts, it hurts. Pain is part of life, and if you can feel you are still alive.
I'm not saying what I am telling you is going to make you cured or better, but I've held on by my fingernails to my life for the past 2 years. Point is, I held on. You will one day realize that all this shit you are going through is something defeatable, just like all evil. Keep fighting and when you finally win the battle you will be among a group of the best people in this world: those who survive one of the darkest and scariest diseases of all time.
