im 35 and been alone for 10 years...2 attempts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lilmatty, Dec 3, 2008.

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  1. lilmatty

    lilmatty Member

    ive been up all night, drinking. I sent the ex an email wishing that we had children together. she hates me now.

    all my friends are gone and i constantly feel like damaged goods. Ive been on the drugs. Ive done the therapy. All this bullshit feel like im polishing a turd and then forced to talk to everyone about the shine.

    My family are borderline psychiopaths.... and all i want is to not be sad all the time

    I thought about hanging myself a few minutes ago. Is that so wrong. I mean people die everyday and no one will ever know - no one will ever care. Why should my life be any different. Why should my life be more or less any important then theirs. I feel like im completely separated from god from love. Im competely empty inside.

    im trying here. fucking interenet..... a sad substitute for human contact
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF! I somewhat know how you feel, except I don't even have an ex. Never even had gf. Hang in there :hug:
  3. lilmatty

    lilmatty Member

    is anyone there.... anyone
  4. lilmatty

    lilmatty Member

    thanks moderator...
  5. lilmatty

    lilmatty Member

    sorry - i didn't mean to come off like that. just hurt is all..... just want the people that are supposed to love to be there.

    no your fault
  6. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    hey, I feel like that a lot. if you want you can pm me if you need some support. it's good you found this place, you're not alone anymore :) but i think you should hang in there because you're worth it, you deserve to be alive and find happiness someday.
  7. lilmatty

    lilmatty Member

    so before i log out... does anyone k nwo where i can get about 30 or more xanax. send me a private message if you no. make it worth your while....
  8. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Probably only your local pharmasist can help you. Don't order drugs from the internet (you get sugar pills or worse).
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You won't find that kind of help here, this is a prolife forum. Now we will listen to you and stand by you for support and sometimes advice. Once you are here on the forum for a while you will see alot of people with similar problems as yours. Open up and talk to them! No one knows who you are so let us try and help you!! Take Care!!~Joseph~
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to sf, im glad you found us :)

    I cant totally relate to the needing xanax part. I was addicted to that stuff myself, you just need to find another way to cope without medication. Have you had any counseling? :hug:
  11. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    I'll second what shadow said, you don't want to search for that on the internet; you never know what you'll be getting, not to mention the scammers. Or if you're asking for that for means of overdosing.. :eek:hmy: Please don't. You never know what the after effects could be had you not succeeded. If your family is really all mentally ill perhaps you should seek help from a professional.

    There is hope for everyone, and it is possible to cure loneliness, just do something else instead of staying in.
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