I'm a 20 year old Alcoholic.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by I'm_trying, Mar 14, 2012.

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  1. I'm_trying

    I'm_trying Active Member

    I never thought I'd come to this point. It started around 3 years ago. I hated the thought of drinking after growing up with an alcoholic father and a long list of alcoholic relatives. My mom always told me to be careful when you drink because you have alcohol in your blood. I went to my first party and experienced my first hangover when I was 18. For that year it was just a social thing, it helped me feel normal and able to talk to people. I was a funny drunk and enjoyed feeling wanted. I experienced a lot that summer which started my problem. I started drinking alone once and a while, drinking everynight. So obviously eventually my tolerance increased. I started to only hangout with people if we were going to be drinking. I started blacking out, having sex with random people, having unprotected sex. I drank and drove all the time.

    The last time I went out was in August. I had woken up in bed with a throbbing goosebumped head. A few days later I had bad headaches and realized I had suffered a concussion with no memory of what happened. So I stopped all together going out. I drank at home. I eventually attempted and was admitted to a psych where I detoxed. Clean for 3 weeks. I drank the minute I was released.

    My family started getting angrier and angrier at me. I started isolating myself in my room. Started developing a huge tolerance for my weight and height. At a certain time of the day my hands shake uncontrollably and I get anxious. I have to hold cups at that time of day with two hands. My mind is constantly focused on where or when I can have my next drink. It turned from always having a bottle to always having more than I may be able to drink. I sweat like crazy if I don't drink a certain amount before bed. I can truthfully say I blackout everynight. I've fractured my toe, broken bones just from going from the computer chair to my bed in the same room. I've been in the psych ward twice in 6 months and have been involved with police 3 times in 6 months. I want to stop but don't at the same time. I hate drinking. But I don't feel at my rock bottom because I love drinking.

    It's very exhausting. The hardest part is people telling me to just stop drinking, Its harder than you think and much more complicated.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Of course it is hard hun It will take alot of hard work on your part to get clean and stay clean You will develop liver disease and it will be painful and life threatening if you do not get the help you need NOW okay
  3. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I narrowly avoided the need to drink all the time, and now I can't drink because of the medication. I come from a long line of alcoholics too. I'm afraid that if I drink, it will seriously fuck with my meds, I have schizoaffective disorder. So I don't think my voices would appreciate it.
  4. obscure

    obscure Active Member

    I was a ful blown alcoholic by age 18, I started drinking very heavily at about 16 and I know where you're coming from. My grandfather was also an alcoholic and I always told myself the same thing: I won't drink, I've seen what it does to people and to families but, looking back, I wonder if maybe watching someone close to me, in my family, solve their problems with booze I picked up on it. I can't ever blame him for giving me the idea or anything since he is long been deceased and that's not right but maybe it does have a sway effect. Recently I've been struggling to stay sober. The hardest part is finding the courage to get and stay sober. Just be as strong as you can be and you can get through it!
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Littlestoxie, you have been very courageous to be this open and honest with yourself and us about how alcohol is affecting your life.

    You say you hate drinking, but that you love drinking. Do you love it enough to keep accepting the hangovers, the broken bones, the blacking out, the police, the anger, the shakes, the random and unprotected sex, the loneliness of drinking in your room alone, of isolating yourself? And of course, there are the long-term health concerns that alcohol causes. Much better to avoid them if possible.

    You're right, it's hard to stop an addiction and no one but the person going through it knows how hard it is for them specifically...But it's worth it to stop. When we stop the self-destructive behaviors, we begin to feel more authentic and alive, and we become constructive, productive people (instead of losing more and more of ourselves to the drink/drugs/behaviors). We learn that we can be happy on our own terms.

    Have you considered attending any sort of rehab groups? Your doc might be a place to get a referral. And you can come here any time you need an extra boost of support. You can PM me any time. I hope you look into getting some specific assistance with this so you can be the full person you are meant to be. Many hugs and lots of good wishes for you. :hug:
  6. roguefishfood

    roguefishfood Member

    I feel you. My family has many alcoholics and I swore I'd avoid it, I wouldn't drink like them.

    I drank a lot between 17-21, stopped, then started again and now I feel like alcoholism is somewhere around me... not engulfing me yet.. but I feel like I don't have the willpower to keep it away.
  7. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    My dad's stepfather was an alcoholic, so he refuses to drink alcohol, and he never has. My 19 yr old cousin on my moms side is supposed to be in AA but he's been drinking. I'm not gonna even start drinking because I know I'll end up as an alcoholic. The last thing I need is to be taking a depressant. It won't end well for me.

    You're young, and if you don't beat this addiction now, it will kill you in a matter of years. Be the person in your family that doesn't succumb to this disease. Try to replace your love for alcohol with something else. find something that you're passionate about. And most importantly, GET HELP.
  8. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I'm a 33 year old alcoholic... I've been an on again, off again alcoholic since I was 16. Alcoholism, addiction, depression, suicidal tendencies, etc., run in both sides of my family. I think it's all finally starting to catch up to me.

    I want - no, not want, need to stop drinking, or it's going to kill me. I know I can stop, because I've done it before... all I have to do is refrain from having that next drink. But I can't stop myself. It's not the lure of the bottle that keeps bringing me back, but rather the need to get away from my reality. Truthfully, I despise alcohol. I don't like the way it tastes, I don't always like the way it makes me feel, and I know for a fact that it is slowly killing me and making me fat, weak, and stupid. If I had another way to escape, to forget, I would do it instead. I simply cannot tolerate my existence anymore, and I need something, anything, to take my mind off of it.
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