I'm still hurting from the abuse and I want to get over it, I really do. There's days where I'm happy and than out of the blue I get sad and cry. I can't handle other people's emotions a lot of the time. Most of the time I keep to myself because I already have enough of my own problems, I want to be be around people who are happy. There's times where my friends are sad and I help them and listen to them. Anything they say, doesn't seem to shock me at all. People tell me the saddest stories and I'm not affected by it or even react. I've been damaged and seen so much sadness that I believe that shocks me anymore. Helping people makes me feel better, I just don't feel a lot of emotion and I feel like something is wrong with me. Than out of the blue I cry and nothing but people's misery and sadness haunts me. I'm not bottling it in either or trying too, it just comes out. Feel as if apart of me is numb or going into sleep mode as I call it, than all these crazy emotions come out of me. Anytime I cry, I lock my door and get out all my emotions out and than I feel better. Something usually has to trigger these emotions, like a friend getting upset at me or somebody is ignoring me which usually happens a lot of the time because I suffer with PTSD and I'm usually depressed. I hate how something is always wrong with me. I just want to be happy. Sometimes I even get paranoid thoughts that people hate me or won't say talk to me because of this too. Apart of me wants to give up on people or distance myself from people for awhile. I'm always disappointed. People always end up giving up on me. I don't even try to beg them to talk to me or try talk them into staying around anymore. I just let them leave. Been abandoned way too many times. I'm starting not to care anymore. All I hear is harsh things from people or people telling me, "there tired of me always being sad or tell me to stop being so emotional" I'm depressed and disappointed today. I really need someone to talk too right now, than again I know I'll just dump all my problems them and wear them out.....and I don't want that.