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I'm a chicken

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#1
Hello forum,
I've literally been depressed and considering suicide for more than 10 years now. I hate my life and feel like a failure in so many different ways. The problem is whenever I get to feeling like I'm really going to do it, I chicken out. In part this is because I don't want to die violently or painfully, like under a bus or with a gunshot. I wish I had some good poison that would kill me peacefully while I slept. I don't want to live and I can't quite kill myself either... has anyone else ever suffered through this sort of limbo day after day?
 

Waterfall55

Well-Known Member
#3
Yes, I have.....do. I find it helps not to look too far forward - just concentrate on getting through the current day. And remind myself I don't *know* tomorrow and the future will be bad...that it is *possible* they could be better. And I try to hold on to the small moments of joy - a funny show on tv (where for a few minutes I forget/block out my worries), when I brush my pets, etc. Are there some things that give you a moment or two of peace in the midst of the rest of your life? The first cup of coffee in the morning, a daily cartoon in the newspaper?
 

solutions

Well-Known Member
#4
A lot of people suffering from suicidal feelings feel the same way. To use a famous quote, they want to die, but they don't want to kill themselves.
 
#5
i don't think you are a chicken. i think you are very brave for having these terrifying, overwhelming sucidal thoughts and not acting on them. that takes a lot of courage. well done.
 
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