I don't know really where to start. I've been depressed for about 3 years now. I never had suicidal thoughts until this past year where I'm constantly thinking about it and wishing that I would actually do it. I've been doing some therapy for about 2 years, and I've been taking medication for around the same time. Neither of these have helped, instead I'm feeling more depressed and more hopeless. I've come to a conclusion that any hope for me is just wishful thinking, and there really is no point in going on with my pathetic life. I've been told by people that if I ever were to commit suicide, to think about what it would do to my family, friends, and others near me. To be honest I don't care. I don't really care if someone says that they'll miss me if I go. I guess I'm so selfish and only really care about myself anymore, but that's how it is. I look out into the future, and all I see is nothing for my life. No job, no girlfriend or wife, no friends, no anything. And as I look at everyone in my school, they all seem have at least one of those, and I'm the one left out. I have this feeling that I've been here for so long, and that I'm never going to escape. I have no motivation to get better, yet at the same time I want to. But I'm always stuck in this negative mindset of mine. No matter what anyone says to me, even if it's the slightest bit positive I'll deny it, and try to push it away. In a way, I hate being positive and enjoy being negative. But once again I wish that it would be the opposite. And this Christmas has probably been the worst time of my life. Everyone is so happy and joyful, unwrapping presents and just celebrating. All the while I'm stuck in a dark corner looking on, just wishing I could have just a little of what they have. I'm here posting this, because it is one of my last hopes for anything to change. Right now I really want to overdose or to be hospitalized. Being put in a hospital is my last hope if all else fails. And I'm to scared to ask to be hospitalized or to tell them what I'm really thinking right now. So the only way for me to be put in a hospital I feel is if I overdose.