I'm a complete mess

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WishfulThinking, Jan 2, 2012.

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  1. WishfulThinking

    WishfulThinking New Member

    I don't know really where to start. I've been depressed for about 3 years now. I never had suicidal thoughts until this past year where I'm constantly thinking about it and wishing that I would actually do it. I've been doing some therapy for about 2 years, and I've been taking medication for around the same time. Neither of these have helped, instead I'm feeling more depressed and more hopeless. I've come to a conclusion that any hope for me is just wishful thinking, and there really is no point in going on with my pathetic life. I've been told by people that if I ever were to commit suicide, to think about what it would do to my family, friends, and others near me. To be honest I don't care. I don't really care if someone says that they'll miss me if I go. I guess I'm so selfish and only really care about myself anymore, but that's how it is. I look out into the future, and all I see is nothing for my life. No job, no girlfriend or wife, no friends, no anything. And as I look at everyone in my school, they all seem have at least one of those, and I'm the one left out. I have this feeling that I've been here for so long, and that I'm never going to escape. I have no motivation to get better, yet at the same time I want to. But I'm always stuck in this negative mindset of mine. No matter what anyone says to me, even if it's the slightest bit positive I'll deny it, and try to push it away. In a way, I hate being positive and enjoy being negative. But once again I wish that it would be the opposite. And this Christmas has probably been the worst time of my life. Everyone is so happy and joyful, unwrapping presents and just celebrating. All the while I'm stuck in a dark corner looking on, just wishing I could have just a little of what they have. I'm here posting this, because it is one of my last hopes for anything to change. Right now I really want to overdose or to be hospitalized. Being put in a hospital is my last hope if all else fails. And I'm to scared to ask to be hospitalized or to tell them what I'm really thinking right now. So the only way for me to be put in a hospital I feel is if I overdose.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun you do not have to OD to get help okay You go to hospital and tell them you are thinking of harming yourself and you need help The will help get you out of t hat darkness you are in hun Please do not harm yourself go and get help you so deserve hun
     
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome!

    Can you figure out what the conditions in your area are for being hospitalized? I think you may be able to voluntarily admit yourself to a hospital. Perhaps you can catch a ride to the local hospital and be honest with them about what's going on....you are voicing the intent to do harm to yourself and they ought to take you seriously. Having been hospitalized without doing any prior harm to myself, I know it can happen....Take care, and best of luck to you. I wish this weren't such a hard year for you. :hug:

    Alex
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2012
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