im a compulsive liar to the point where i dont know the truth anymore

so I have always needed to lie about so many things mainly because i am so odd. I had really strict parents growing up and i learned to lie really naturally early on. In high school and middle school, I also had to lie a lot because i seem normal and people would ask me things like "what did you do on the weekend?" and so what i really did would usually be something along the lines of visiting graveyards and reading books, but i would always say something that sounded normal. not to mention the fact that i have bisexual desires.SO im afraid to let anyone in to my real world so i use lying as a defense mechanism. Ilie about things that are totally irrelevant too- ie i went to burger king instead of mcdonalds or if someone ask me how much i paid for something i might say $3.60 instead of $3.80 for no reason. basically i have an ingrown fear of telling the truth..........

 

I am sorry you feel so bad about that stuff that you feel you have to lie. Thr whole what'd you do thing, I use to exagerate when I was younger because of the fact I was so self concious, and when all the sexual abuse happend when I was a child I got use to lying.... people would ask.. how are you Carolyn? or are you sure you are ok? are you being abused? I had to say I was perfectly fine and wasn't be abused because I was afraid my step father would shoot me.



Sometimes when I was a kid, I would pretend someone would rescue me......like living in a fake world almost, I know I am rambling and babbling and wasting space, but I kinda get what you are saying...sometimes I wish I could say I am fine and beleive it haha.



Take care of yourself hun, I am a bit drained not to mention sick now, otherwise I would write you more, but I will tell you this.......you can PM me anytime and I will always be around to listen and give ya hugs and possible advice. :hug: :hug: :hug:



(and don't be so sure you are weird yet, there is NO normal... so many different people, personalities, hobbies, carreers, habits and so on)




:hug:



With hugs,
Carolyn

 

I think I am kinda like you. I lie a lot to make people not feel sorry for me. I quit my job and told everyone I was moving and going to a new college when really I just couldn't fake being so happy around people all the time. I was a vet tech and always had to be "on". I also tell little stupid lies that I don't even know why I tell em. Like the burger king/mcdonalds thing you said. I have told so many lies to make my life sound happier that somtimes I get excited for a couple seconds about something and then realize it wasn't even true to begin with. guess were kinda crazy eh?

 

I actually think that's fairly normal.

I've gone through spurts of that kind of thing-- feeling like I've needed to lie in order to maintain an image, or a life that's even remarkably normal... or just to make myself feel better.

When you learn that the truth is a lot less burdensome, and that you are worth more than some value-less lie, it'll leave you.

I hope things work out so that you don't feel so bad about yourself that you must lie. :hug:

All in due time, I hope.

 

I lie sometimes as a way to cope with things. If I don't like something about myself or if I don't want someone to think badly of me, I "tweak" the truth. I find myself lying about stupid little things too. Maybe it's more normal than we think?

 

Wow, I have been in your shoes. It took ALOT of therapy, and a good therapist to grow beyond it. My biggest trigger is "your lying" reason being, my mothers habit with even infants--was "don't tell me that lie." I saw it somewhat with cousins, but when she did it to my first child--I BLEW UP! It all came flooding back. Now, as far back as I can remember--even before I went to school--I remember thinking--"This is what happened, but she is going to say I'm telling a lie-so if I tell her this, then she will know the truth." That is not how to teach a kid how to communicate. I moved out of her reach of any communications to cause those triggers for many years. Last winter I had to move back within the reach, and had blocked out those issues. Being back around her---has driven me back into those loops to where I realized my memories were just brief. Seeing her assumptions of everything is wrong--is truely ill. I resorted to not saying anything, because anything I DID say she would construde to being a lie. I could say "good morning" and somehow that would become a lie and my morning was horrible. Luckily recently I have escaped her reach again. But again, I am left without the coping skills. I feel like lying would be easy, and I resort to silence....................

I hope that someday you can reach being able to be honest--because the untruths are hiding the true you, and when you can be the true you, some of the pain does ease. I've been where the pain eases--just I'm finding I can't take the same path this time. I hope you find yours. I just have to figure out how not to lead down the escape route that is all to familiar, although it is an escape route, if caught in it--the work becomes 300 times harder...ugh

 

Appearances can be deceiving, the mind is much more fluid than people believe! In psychology writings, the subject of lying is one of the most fascinating things. I would say at least half of what everybody tells you is a lie, to some degree. Even many of the most important childhood memories you have are lies that you reconstructed later on based on experiences related to you later, although when you relate them, you are not consciously lying because you yourself believe that it happened as you "remember".

Listen, if you did not lie everyday of your life you would not survive in this world. Everybody with no exception lies all the time, some people are just so deluded they believe they are honest all the time. Not all lies are exactly the same of course, some are deliberately, consciously forumulated with the intent to harm. Problems actually arise for you in everday life when you are not good at lying, or another way of saying it is that when you are too consciously aware or troubled by your own lies. Or if you tell lies without a good system for covering them up (or unbelievable lies) or dealing with the fallout when exposed. Mentally healthy people lie with such ease that they do not even consciously admit to themselves that they just lied about certain things and are adept at explaining those lies away, yet there are other things they will not lie about. Sometimes we knowlingly create lies and repeat them so often that we believe them, and even later change our behavior in an attempt to make reality conform to our belief and avoid cognitive dissonance. Never underestimate the power of denial.

Different cultures (and subcultures) have different usually unwritten and rarely spoken standards about what it is absolutely not okay to lie about, and what it is okay or required to lie about. Usually the lies of others are easily discerned, but it's important for our own well-being that we not focus too much on those of our selves or our own group.

If you tell lies that are too big for you to maintain or too frequently though, your anxiety increases. Genrally, this can be reduced by being a part of a group of people who accept more of what you do, thus reducing the need to lie as much and your "transaction cost" of keeping up the facade causing a dissonance between what you are doing and what people around you think you should be doing. Relationships with other people will discourage you from lying about what those particular people do not lie about, and encourage you to lie about what they do lie about. It creates an external reference point of belief and behavior, an internal structure of mind, an identity.

If you stop having any relationships with any people you value for whatever reason, or if you think extremely indpendently, then you have no healthy reinforcement of the acceptableness of the lies you do tell. You are then what they call a sociopath, and possibly a psychopath...if you truly form your own opinions without concern for what others will think. If you are not skilled at lying about what a particular group or person expects you to lie about in certain situations, you will be rejected.

 

No doubt, this is what has been killing me. I refuse to take part in the social 'acting' as I call it, though I don't feel as bad if I'm in a light-hearted mood where I can avoid taking things too seriously. Unfortunately, when others 'act' seriously to eachother, I can't simply ignore it. It frustrates me, and is one of the major reasons I have problems fitting into large social groups. I certainly have the ability to mimic the behavior in order to fit in, it's just that my desire for truth outweighs my desire for peer acceptance. Interestingly enough though, I don't get lonely.. I seem to revel in my independence and solitude.

Also, I'm aware of the fact that my own opinions and beliefs are still perversions of the objective truth, though I continually strive to move closer to the absolute truth, even if it is an impossible point for any of us to reach. Our ignorance is what motivates us to continue after all, if we could understand everything - well then I'm not sure life would even be worth living. I embrace my ignorance in that context, though my direction of progressing towards the truth is what is most important to me, rather than my distance from the truth itself.

It is funny too... to think about our society today, how engrossed humans are with the media.. the observational learning, the visual age of television and movies. It's a scary time to be alive in many ways, and I have often wished I could live in a safer world, somewhere in the future maybe.. For some time now though, I've realized that changing one's personality is simply shifting one's character or role in the story that is life.. can I truly be a character in the story when I'm so fixated on the reality that it is just a story after all.. Humans are the beings that thrive off our own deception. No amount of knowledge can replace passion.

 

For some time now though, I've realized that changing one's personality is simply shifting one's character or role in the story that is life.. can I truly be a character in the story when I'm so fixated on the reality that it is just a story after all.. Humans are the beings that thrive off our own deception. No amount of knowledge can replace passion.[/QUOTE]

Syd my friend, I really tried following the meaning of your post but you progressively became more and more...psychedelic :hippy: !!! You are totally over my head, dude ! :insomnia:

 

hi if you really think it is something you cant "fix" on your own maybe you should seek help.. as u loose a piece of yourself everytime you do lie... how ever maybe you can take small steps..

correct yourself when you lie... ie... i went to burger king.. no wait thats wrong it was Mc donalds


it was 3.60 .. no wait thats wrong it was 3.8o

start small.. your over lieing can be likened to say being over wieght... or out of shape ... you did not get that way over night and will not stop over night...

basically i think as you work on telling the truth about the things that matter little.. you can work on loving who you r and value that person more than the opinions of others...

in time you can and will feel safer in who you r ... and maybe learn to trust others to accept the real you... and if they dont ... then find ppl who do...

good luck...

 

I create different characters and act out their lives sometimes, which is a form of lying. I don't even know why I do it. I suppose just sometimes I wish I was someone else so I pretend that I am.

 

I have a bit of that in me as well. I've been thinking of going to a psychologist to talk about it. Aside from telling lies, mostly to my mom, I'm fairly convinced that I actually have anti social personality disorder.

I used to think that I was just too creative or intelligent for my own good, but after reading articles about APD, I've learned that there's an actual disorder related to it, I'm hoping that will also help out with my depression in the end.