I can't face my thoughts, my feelings, or reality. I run away from things that hurt though I know I should just face it and get it over with. . The last few days I've been self-medicating on an OTC (won't say which) and it's felt good. When I'm on that trip, I don't think, feel, or care. I know it's a dangerous road I'm going down, but at the same time I don't want to feel like this anymore.