I'm a crappy friend

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Things, Feb 28, 2010.

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  1. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I probably shouldn't be posting this. I'm really nervous about posting threads. I feel like I need someone to talk to about it though. :/

    There's this friend I have online, and she's pretty much the only friend I have at all. We go to this forum to talk nearly every day. But she gets kind of upset when I don't talk to her, and I feel guilty.

    In the past month or two, my depression has been getting worse. I'm having suicidal thoughts again, and they're scaring the hell out of me.

    I'm just so tired and irritable, and I don't want to talk to anyone. I haven't been to that forum in weeks, and now I'm kind of afraid to go back (I know it's strange, I don't know why I feel like this). I'm afraid that she's going to be pissed off at me, and I really have no explaination I could give (she doesn't know how bad my depression is, but she knows I have it at least).

    I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm looking for, honestly. I guess I just need to vent. I'm most likely taking this way too seriously, I overreact a lot. :/
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    thats what depression does takes everything everyone away. When your stronger explain to your friend if she is a true friend she will understand. Keep posting okay as it well you come out of the depression a bit keep reaching out.
  3. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I'm surprised someone replied so quickly.

    Maybe I'll say hi to her today.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you posted :) Hopefully, it will help and may boost your confidence for posting threads in the future.

    It can be very hard being friends with people online for a whole variety of reasons, like you can't see body language when you're talking, you can't hear tone in typing, its easy to imagine all these different scenarios of what's going on for people because you only see them in that place and you only ever know what they want you to know.

    I think the longer you leave it, the harder it will be to go back. Why not drop your friend an e-mail or PM and just say hi, sorry you've not been about but you've been pretty ill. You've still been thinking about her, and then ask how she is? Also remember the more you explain to her and the mor eyou let her in, the more she will be able to understand and have an idea of why sometimes you behave as you do.

    If she gets funny then that is HER problem and hopefully with time she will come round and understand that it wasn't a choice, its an illness.
  5. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I was pretty scared about posting. I was re-reading it ten times for spelling mistakes and awkward wording. I'm glad I posted though, I feel better.

    Oh, definitely. I always imagine the worst when I'm talking to someone. I always feel like they're judging me, or that I said something stupid. I even freak out over typos I've made. :/

    Thank you. I'll definitely drop a message to her today. We usually go to that forum at 3 P.M. (I'm home schooled, but she goes to public school). I hope she won't be angry, but she has been pretty patient with me so far.
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm glad posting has helped you feel better. Maybe its worth trying to post more to build your confidence. Try not to worry about spelling, its easy enough to decipher most things, and same with awkward wording, it's not the end of the world.

    Its very easy to add our own interpretation to what someone does, but most of the time what we imagine is not the case at all, so if you can try to remind yourself that its not, when you catch yourself imagining those worst case scenarios, it might help because it might make things easier with people.

    Good luck talking to her :)

    If she is angry, remember that anger is a cover emotion and covers things like fear, confusion, upset, sadness, ignorance, so if she is angry it may be because she's been worried about you, or that she was sad you were rejecting her or something, so try not to be too bothered by anger. When the anger has subsided try to talk to her and find out what was going on behind that.

    I hope it all goes well :)
  7. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    True, true. I'm such a perfectionist, mistakes freak me out. I really need to calm down.

    I'll try that. Maybe I'll stop being so socially anxious online. I feel pretty ridiculous sometime.

    I'll definitely keep that in mind. Thank you both. :)
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope your friend was kind to you and all went well if not keep trying keep communicating okay You did great to post here keep it up okay let us know how you are doing
  9. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I over slept, so I missed her today. But I sent her a PM a couple minutes ago. I didn't explain much, said that I'm going through a bad time.

    I'm terrified...
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    Boddyaxes Guest


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    Things Well-Known Member



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