Over the past three years I been feeling emptiness, anger, hate and the fear of being alone for the rest of my life. I been always trying to find an excuse of being "Content" with myself. The truth is I been angry at life and hating myself everyday as much as I could. I feel like I disappointed my father and its all my fault. Me and my father hardly communicate over personal things. He once questioned me about my love life. Yes I never had a Girlfriend or anything like that. My father is suffering from a long-term illness and for me it pains me to see him and even more as I been a not well son. I failed him and I been empty for many reasons I been suicidal many times but somehow I hold that back and not think of it. I really have lost trust in "Friends" as my mother always told me; there's no such thing as real "friends". I just feel angry and I'm always thinking of when I'm going to make a change. I'm agnostic and I felt like I been living a bullshit waste of youth. I been avoiding many people but the thing is I can't help it. Maybe this anger and resentment is finally going to consume me. I been always trying to find something that makes me happy. But in the end I feel an emptiness inside of me.