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Im a freak..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wanttodie, Nov 26, 2007.

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  1. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    Just today, some one remarked that Im still a "kid". Im 21 btw and although she said it in good jest, I was deeply hurt and depressed by this remark because somewhere deep down it is indeed the truth. I watch my own videos and when I look at the way my body is or how I walk, I feel really sick because I still behave and talk like a kid. Any one who interacts with me for few days concludes that Im a jerk. I've carried this reputation for my whole life. This kind of thing makes me extremely self conscious in public. See i have this problem where i think that ppl are judging me all the time about everything i do.... what happened in past, the way i walk, the way i eat, the way i scratch my nose. I am always on guard when ppl are around and it makes me look like a bigger jerk than Im actually. I try my level best and pretend that Im normal and like those popular kids but the truth eventually comes out when I open my mouth.I think sometimes i compensate for my low self worth by being submissive, like if i give this person what they want it will make up for me being a boring social retard. Also I like to avoid conflict even when Im right and the other person is exploiting me because I am afraid of their judgments and remarks. I feel inferior all the time. My parents tell me otherwise and they point at my good academics or something else but still I feel that without social skills and a great reputation in the society, I cant achieve anything..
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 26, 2007
  2. Chris Turner

    Chris Turner Member

    im 23 and i look 43. most people would love to look/act young. embrace it and use it to your advantage :)
  3. CyanideMuffin

    CyanideMuffin Member

    well, all the time when you do something bad in the past people will remember it and rub it to you in the face!, no one remembers good things people do, so i think we cant change that aspect, but what we can change is the way we act around others, i get this is the way you act and people need to accept you how you are, maybe you're not mature enough yet, but you will. people change
  4. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    what is one supposed to do when others are not giving a chance to improve ?

    people love to abuse the downtrodden even more..this is a fact that i learnt
  5. dreamstar

    dreamstar Active Member

    Hey wanttodie, I'm nearly 30 and you sound like my twin. I've tried to change my whole life and now I see its completely hopeless. I dont know why I'm this way and I dont know how to change it. People just make me feel bad and like its my fault but I cant help how I am and I cant help that I cant change it either. There's just something wrong with me. Its like I'm retarded but its socially but no one could ever begin to understand that or believe that. I just live in my own world because the real world hurts so much.
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I wanted to talk to you to share about what you're going through I know what you mean 100%.One thing you have to try your best to do is please try not to let people get to you,now I know this is'nt easy because it bug's me to high heaven and you don't fail because they get to you ok?It's not your fault,you may be quite fragile right now as it seem's you clearly are suffering from depression.

    Being 21 you still are quite young,and it's maybe that you're quite sensitive to any such comment it will cause you anguish.Remember you can only try your best,try not to let these ignorant moron's get to you,remember this you're talking to someone who know's it's not easy to do.And you can alway's talk to me I know what you're suffering,just try your best please.
  7. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    thanks ace.:smile:
  8. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    when i read your post i know what you feel. being insecure and having to keep your guard up 24/7 and not being able to feel safe. dont feel bad though, i guess we are a rare type of personality but know you arent alone
  9. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I've always thought of this quote to help me out if i'm feeling self conscious:

    ""you wouldn't worry about what people are thinking about you if you realised how little they are.""

    Always made me feel less shy thinking this when i'm out.
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