Just today, some one remarked that Im still a "kid". Im 21 btw and although she said it in good jest, I was deeply hurt and depressed by this remark because somewhere deep down it is indeed the truth. I watch my own videos and when I look at the way my body is or how I walk, I feel really sick because I still behave and talk like a kid. Any one who interacts with me for few days concludes that Im a jerk. I've carried this reputation for my whole life. This kind of thing makes me extremely self conscious in public. See i have this problem where i think that ppl are judging me all the time about everything i do.... what happened in past, the way i walk, the way i eat, the way i scratch my nose. I am always on guard when ppl are around and it makes me look like a bigger jerk than Im actually. I try my level best and pretend that Im normal and like those popular kids but the truth eventually comes out when I open my mouth.I think sometimes i compensate for my low self worth by being submissive, like if i give this person what they want it will make up for me being a boring social retard. Also I like to avoid conflict even when Im right and the other person is exploiting me because I am afraid of their judgments and remarks. I feel inferior all the time. My parents tell me otherwise and they point at my good academics or something else but still I feel that without social skills and a great reputation in the society, I cant achieve anything..