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im a freak

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R

revolting

#1
i dont even know why im writing this.i dont want anyone to know how revolting i really am.im disgusted with myself.i cant get anything in my life in order.it either stays still or goes downhill.i found a cup filled with maggots in my house today.it just shows how revolting i am.no wonder im excluded everywhere.im just a filthy disgusting thing.afraid to be in my own home.disgusted by the thought of it.
 

helena

Staff Alumni
#2
Hi there,
I guess we all forget something that can rotten sometimes.....I mean, it happened to me and it really is dusgusting but it doesntmean you're revolting. Maybe you could use some help or guidance in on the household.... I dunno, you should see some student houses around here... and they are all wel grown kids, and those are real signs of negligence, they just don't have, or better make the time to clean up.
It's difficult to feel like your life is on control when you're down,it's even more difficult to see the things you do get in order, and I'm sure there are some, we just tend to overlook them, or just think, ohhh, thats something so little it doesnt count....
I don't know who you are, but I know that it is important to feel comfortable and safe at home, my sanctuary, kinda....
I hope you feel better about yourself soon, and maybe look for help in real world, for emotional support and understandig you allready are at the right place :)
take good care,
:hug:
helena
 

Hazel

SF & Antiquitie's Friend
Staff Alumni
#3
Hi, guess you are feeling very low right now, when you hit rock bottom the last thing on your mind is cleaning! However it is fair to say you do need to maintain an environment that is 'safe' to be in... rather than look at your home as a whole perhaps you could just think of one task a day maybe clear out one shelf in the fridge today or wash the dirty cups... you are not disgusting, you are depressed.

Take care Hazel x
 
R

revolting

#4
thanks both of you.

i have cleaned one room it gets like this for me allot.it gets so bad that i constantly afaird i have bugs on me.its like i can feel them crawling down my throat.i just want to get out of my skin and run away from myself.i know they arent there but its just an nxiety thing. i have acutally been ok lately.at least i thought so.knowing me i wont do anything about it and will just let it get worse :(
 

Hazel

SF & Antiquitie's Friend
Staff Alumni
#5
Hi again, just a thought, why not pay your doctor a visit before things get any worse? Are you already receiving treatment?

Hazel x
 
#6
Hun,


You are in no way a freak, depression and all our other illnesses make it so very hard to take care of things and deal with them, we are sick it's just most don't understand how hard it is to take care of ourselves, it's just agsuating to just survive let alone be completely perfect and spotless....speeking of which even people without our problems aren't perfect hun.



But you are most defenetly NOT a freak or revolting.

:cheekkiss

Try not to be so hard on yourself sweetie, okay?

:hug:
If you need anything let me know.....I am here always and forever. :hug:


:hug:


xxx
Carolyn.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
#7
Its good you got started with one room. Keep going and before you know it the whole thing will be done and you will feel better about staying there, and about yourself. Keep your head up hun. Take care of you. :hug:
 
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