Im a loser

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by firstman692002, Aug 2, 2010.

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  1. firstman692002

    firstman692002 New Member

    Its true. and after I tell you my story, you’ll prolly want to kill me yourself. You see it all started in my childhood when I was locked in my room with no food. I began to understand that I didn’t matter and that my life was for crap. then my dad didn’t want me and I ended up in various group homes and placements and hospitals where I got on everyone’s nerve as and no one liked me. now this wasn’t a delusion in my mind it was true. you see I have come top realize that none really likes me for long. I have no idea why. so anyway I have never been able to keep a job because I am lazy. it ions so painful for me to do any real work that without help I can't get it done. now I have drawn unemployment for a year and I am so fat I cant walk down the street. my wife has to work and clean and make supper while I play video games or watch TV. I am a loser.
    so anyway I think it would be better if I was to die and thats why i wanna kill myself. The bills are piling up and all the money goes toward my dipping habit. But I cant work hell I can barely walk because I ate my self into submission. My wife deserves better than me. So I am thinking about poison. I don’t have a gun because I am a felon. Yeah maybe poison. The other day my wife wanted to make love. But i am to fat. so now she ha to live with nothing but a fat slob who can't even pleasure her. My selfishness has no bounds. I hate myself. I just wanna go away so everyones life can be better. Because all my life all i have done is bring people down. I lived witha woman who i mentally abused to the point she wanted to commit suicide. she took a bunch of pills and almost died. shes prolly still messed up.
    I can't belive someone like me even deserves to be alive. poison sweet sweet poison. just gotta find some
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well instead of using energy to take you life use energy to better it for you and your wife time make changes yes killing yourself will only cause more pain on top of what has been done your wife doesn't deserve more pain
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I agree with Violet; instead of focusing all your energy on wanting to die, you could concentrate on ways of making life better, for both you and your wife. You can't undo the past, but you can make an effort to change your future.
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi firstman. Instead of searching for poison, you could try losing some of your excess weight so that you can start feeling good about yourself again.
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